Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: save your marriage

How A Great Man Responds When His Wife Doesn’t Want Him
A great man is competent and successful everywhere in life, but when his wife doesn’t want him, it cuts to the core. It’s usually a slow burn coming. 10 years with my wife flew by in a flash. While I grew my business and remodeled our house, there were ups and downs like any marriage. But despite my ability to fix anything and pay the bills, I felt like a guest in my own home. Deep down, it felt like she didn’t care about me anymore.

The Problem Is Not That Your Wife Doesn’t Want You

One evening, I sat with my wife in my truck after grocery shopping.

I was complaining about our sex life, her friends, and all the things that felt like rejection.

A tear slid down her cheek.

“It’s not that I don’t love you,” She said. “It’s that I’m not in love with you”.

I wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

I felt discarded, so I tried to explain many things to her that night in the truck…
- How a man needs sex to feel loved.
- That she’s my wife, and she should WANT to have sex with me.
- I gave her statistics on how often a couple should have sex and how she wasn’t doing her part.
Needless to say, trying to lecture her back into wanting me didn’t help.

Deep down, it wasn’t even about the sex.

I just wanted to feel wanted again.

What I didn’t know back then was that taking her feelings personally was the most unattractive thing I could have done.

Trying to use logic to get your wife to have sex with you is a huge turn-off for her.

The problem is not that your wife doesn’t want you; the problem is something much deeper: the depth of presence you are able to connect with.

Why Your Depth Of Presence Makes Or Breaks Your Marriage

Long before your wife rejects you in the bedroom, she’s been feeling rejected outside of it.

She steps back and watches you.

She observes how you handle frustration, the nosy neighbor, the kids screaming, and when your mom needs to be told to leave.

She’s looking for one thing: your depth of presence.

If that is missing, her thought is “I think I could leave his life and he wouldn’t even notice”.

Sounds like BS?

Don’t dismiss it just because it doesn’t make sense.

I know in YOUR world, EVERYTHING you do is for her.

The late hours at work, the new carpet in the living room, the freshly mowed lawn, sacrificing your weekends and time with friends – it’s all for her and your family.

But trust me.

What women feel and what’s logical rarely align.
- She tests your depth of presence when she puts on new earrings, then waits to see if you notice.
- She tests your depth of presence when she brings up the past, to see if you can connect with her feelings in the current conversation.
- She tests your depth of presence when you are focused on client emails, and she tells you about something that is bothering her to see if you will set the laptop down.
Little by little, she felt invisible around you.

She wondered if you even knew her new favorite song or new favorite book.

You might think you do.

You know what she liked 10 years ago.

But she’s changed.

Giving her those things today only reveals how out of tune you’ve become with her, and she’s noticed.

Your wife no longer feels seen in your marriage.

When a woman doesn’t feel seen, you feel like a stranger to her.
- She will hesitate to undress in front of you.
- She will turn her cheek when you try to kiss her lips.
- She will start asking for space, or even a full-on separation, so that her life on the outside matches how she feels on the inside.
You think your marriage has an intimacy issue, but it really has a depth of presence issue.

How You Can Cultivate Your Depth Of Presence When Your Wife Doesn’t Want You

It’s usually the loss of physical intimacy that wakes you up when your wife doesn’t want you.

Unfortunately, lack of physical intimacy is WAY downstream from when your wife first started feeling unseen.

You did not get here overnight, and you will not be getting out of it overnight.

When your wife doesn’t want you, it’s time to stop chasing her to make you feel good and learn massive outcome non-attachment.

The more you need your wife to be different, the more she will dig her heels in (or just leave the marriage).

Depth of presence starts by having awareness without reaction.

Notice how the way people behave around you is mostly a reaction to the energy you bring to them.

Smile more, and you’ll notice others smile back.

If you want to feel wanted, start making others feel wanted by listening to them.

I mean, REALLY listen instead of thinking about what you want to say in reply.

At a woman’s core, she just wants to be seen.

At a man’s core, he just wants to feel valued and respected for all he does.

Women tend to value and respect men who see them deeply without trying to change or fix them.

Read that again if respect is important to you.

Your Next Step To Being More Present

Your depth of presence feels shallow whenever you react from a strong feeling because presence is responsive, not reactive.

Feelings are not indicators of when you should speak up or do anything.

If your wife senses that your feelings control how you behave, she will stop sharing her feelings with you.
- Do you mope when you don’t get sex?
- When the conversation becomes emotional, do you avoid it?
- If she shares her feelings, do you try to rationalize them?
- Do you become so focused on something that you tune her out?
These emotionally driven reactions add to her feeling even MORE unseen by you.

My masculine confidence framework gives you the tools you need to be more present, more secure, and more grounded in your marriage.

You learn how to be with feelings, instead of reacting to them or avoiding them.

It takes this kind of confident, self-reliant man to create a safe space where she can really open up and feel seen again.

When she trusts you with her heart like this, she’ll want your bodies close together, too.

The first step is to reach out so we can talk.
July 15, 2026
Make Your Wife Want You Again By Fixing The Root Marriage

Brother, if you’ve been watching videos on “how to make your wife want you again” or “how to save your marriage” but nothing changes, you may be avoiding the root marriage issue.

Back in my landscaping days, we called adding quick curb appeal “Putting lipstick on the pig”

Spray-painting dead grass green.

Fake flowers.

A quick hedge trim.

Those things made a place look better fast, but it did nothing to address long-term issues the property suffered from.

A lot of men treat their marriage the same way.

They’re chasing quick fixes in their marriage while avoiding what needs to change.

You Can’t Hide A Dead Rat

If insecurity is driving the way you speak, act, and react in your relationship, you can’t hide it.

You can say all the right things.

Do all the right stuff.

But your wife won’t feel safe enough to open her heart to you.

She won’t tell you where she went last night; she doesn’t want to deal with your anxiety about it.

She’ll avoid being soft and affectionate with you; she doesn’t want to be your emotional tampon.

If your emotions stink, there’s a dead rat floating in the soup.

No amount of seasoning will make it appetizing.

You have to address the root marriage issue.

Insecurity seeps into your tone, your energy, and your reactions.

It makes you defensive, controlling, and judgmental.

You’ll talk more than you’ll listen.

Explain more than understand.

That’s the opposite of what the feminine craves…Leadership, stability, and a man who can lean in to hear her out without losing himself.

Labeling her as “crazy,” “a narcissist,” or saying, “You’re just like your mom” might feel powerful in the moment, but it’s a sign of feeling powerless.

Labels communicate that you need to put others down to feel strong.

It’s avoiding ownership instead of showing true confidence.

It’s avoiding the root marriage issue of insecurity.

Addressing The Root Marriage Issue Changes How You See Her

Starting fresh begins with your mindset.

When you change how you see the world, you change your experience of it.

Don’t believe me?

Think about a juicy, freshly sliced, bright yellow lemon.

Your teeth sink into it as the juices spray onto your mouth.

Feel your mouth water?

You just changed your reality.

There is no lemon, just these words.

Your feelings are not very intelligent; they are easily changed.

You can’t change your wife, but you can experience her differently.

When you do, your energy around her changes.

That’s when she starts to feel safe, attracted, and open again.

And if not?

You’ll be a man with no regrets, knowing you did exactly what men who saved their marriages do.

If you want to give your relationship the best possible chance and become a man who leads with clarity instead of fear, reach out.

August 12, 2025
Why She Says, “I Can’t Keep Doing This”
When your wife says, “I can’t keep doing this,” she’s not joking.

Her commitment to the marriage revolves around how she feels.

But she’s leaving something out. Something you need to understand.

Let’s break that down.

What She REALLY Means When She Says, “I Can’t Keep Doing This”

Here’s what you need to understand: When your wife complains, pulls away, or shuts down, what she says is the problem is rarely the real issue.

You might hear things like:
- “I’m exhausted.”
- “I feel like I’m the only one making efforts in this relationship.”
- “You just don’t get me anymore.”
- “I can’t trust you with my emotions.”
- ” I can’t keep doing this”
- “You forgot my birthday… again.”
It’s tempting to take these “problems” literally and jump into fix-it mode.

To defend yourself

To apologize.

To explain why she’s wrong or how your intentions going forward will be different (which is defensiveness).

But here’s what I keep learning from coaching hundreds of men (and living this myself):

The things she says are just surface symptoms.

The real issue?

It only emerges after she voices all her complaints and is met with your grounded presence and compassion.

When a woman feels emotionally unsafe with you, her nervous system shifts into survival mode.

She’s not trying to be difficult; she’s trying to protect herself.

Protect herself from what?

Your explanations.

Your avoidance.

Your logic.

All the things that make your presence feel limp or reactive.

And when she starts to feel like she’s parenting you emotionally, like she’s the only one holding the relationship together…

Desire dies.

Respect erodes.

Trust disappears.

Attraction fades.

Most men make it worse by trying to convince her to feel different instead of learning how to be with what she feels.

The Deeper Issue Behind Her Feeling

When attraction is strong, women let a lot slide.

It’s not about the dishes.

It’s not the missed text.

It’s not even the canceled date night.

She doesn’t complain about those things when she feels connected to you.

Because those aren’t the real problem.

It’s about the emotional weight she’s been carrying…alone.

When she says, “I can’t keep dragging you like dead weight…”

Brother, she’s serious.

She says, “I can’t keep doing this,” because she actually can’t.

She needs a break.

Space.

A reset.

What You Should Do When She Says, “I Can’t Keep Doing This”

You start by dropping your need for her to be different.

This is not the time to push her to stay in the relationship.

Don’t try to change her feelings.

Accept them.

Empathize with them.

Make plans that support the break she needs.

Let her feel what she feels without trying to correct the facts.

Trying to explain, defend, or “set the record straight” confirms what she already fears: That you care more about being right than being connected.

Lead with presence.

Lead with curiosity.

Hear her pain without trying to rescue her from it.

Because if you can’t stay grounded when she brings the messy stuff, she never trusts you with the deeper stuff.

The playful stuff.

The intimate stuff.

Trying to convince her to stay is often the same invalidating behavior that drives her away in the first place.

If she really wants out, let her go.

And don’t be surprised when she circles back.

How To Rewrite Your Love Story Into One She Loves

Your old love story with your wife?

It’s finished.

Done.

Over.

It can’t be brought back to life.

But a new story? That’s possible.

A story where you meet.

Where you date.

Where you fall in love again.

Moment by moment, you’re writing that new story.

But here’s the thing: If you’re not crystal clear on how you show up in that new story, you just rewrite the same one all over again.

Clarity is what prevents you from re-creating the same dynamic with someone new.

For many men, their “new wife” isn’t someone else, it’s the same woman, finally free to become a new version of herself

Funny how she starts showing up differently when YOU do.

I can help you become this kind of man.
June 21, 2025
Fear of Divorce: The Fastest Way to Lose Her
The fear of divorce is one of the fastest ways to destroy your marriage.

I see it all the time.

Men caught in limbo, walking on eggshells, doing everything they can to “fix” the relationship.

They don’t realize it’s their panic that’s pushing her further away.

The Fear of Divorce Makes You Reactive

When a marriage feels like it’s slipping, most men obsess over the worst-case scenarios:
- What if I lose my kids?
- What if she leaves me for someone else?
- What if she already has someone else?
- What if everything I built disappears overnight?
When I ran my landscaping company, I trained guys to mow stripes into a lawn, straight as an arrow.

The patterns you see on a baseball diamond!

I’d say, “Don’t look down at the mower wheel. Look straight ahead at a fence post or tree, and focus on that as you drive towards it. Perfect lines happen when you fix your eyes on the goal—not by constantly trying to steer straight in the moment.”

Your marriage is no different.

When you live from fear, you zigzag emotionally.

You try to control.

You overcorrect.

Every bump takes your energy and focus.

When you stay connected to a powerful, positive vision of your future, you’ll eventually look back and realize you created that life by refusing to live in fear right now.

Fear of Divorce Never Creates Intimacy

You can’t panic your way into a better relationship.

No one begs their way back into a woman’s heart.

Now is a time to remain deeply connected to who you really are.

Ask yourself: “What future do I want to create? How would a grounded, deliberate man behave today if he believed that future was possible?

Most relationships begin with butterflies, but warm tingles alone are not what long-term relationships are made of.

Marriages only last when two mature people align on:
- A shared vision
- Shared values
- A common path forward
She can’t share any of that with you if you don’t know where you’re going or who you are without her.

If you’re waiting for her to choose you before you can be amazing, you’re not leading—you’re looking down at the mower wheel.

The fear of divorce makes you look at her for your sense of direction.

She can’t give you that.

Masculine Leadership comes from remaining connected to who you are even when life throws a curveball.

The Work Starts With You

This is why I coach men to build emotional clarity and masculine leadership from the inside out.

You don’t need her permission to become the man you respect.

You need a clear vision of where you’re going—and the guts to act like it’s already yours.

That’s the kind of man who BEHAVES in a way women can’t manipulate or derail.

And those behaviors are what make you irresistible to her.
May 7, 2025
If Your Marriage Is Dying, Don’t Make These 4 Mistakes

If your marriage is dying, it’s easy to panic.

You notice her pulling away.

She’s spending more time with friends.

She’s texting that one guy you’ve never felt great about.

Your efforts to reconnect are met with coldness or distance.

I’ve been there and I’ve helped hundreds of men navigate this exact stage.

And while you can’t control her choices, you can avoid the 4 mistakes that push your wife further out the door.

Mistake #1 Trying to Romance Her When the Marriage Is Dying

It’s tempting to prove your love: flowers, date nights, handwritten notes, extra help around the house.

Sure, there was a time when she would have loved those things.

But here’s the truth: if the marriage is dying, this only smothers what little spark is left.

She’s not questioning your love for her.

She’s questioning whether she still loves you.

At this point, your romantic gestures feel more like pressure than passion.

Mistake #2 Reigniting Old Memories

Taking her back to the spot where you first kissed or playing your wedding song might feel like a good idea but it just reminds her of what’s been lost.

You can’t relive the past expecting the future to be different.

If you restore what you had, you’ll end up here again.

You need a NEW relationship with your wife, one that starts with a NEW version of you.

Mistake #3 Thinking One Big Talk Can Save a Dying Marriage

Having that one “deep talk” where you pour your heart out and list all the reasons you can fix this won’t change the trajectory.

Change takes time.

Trust and attraction don’t come from words, they come from your energy and consistency.

When the marriage is dying, long emotional talks often drain her energy and make her fee trapped, not more connected.

Mistake #4 Becoming Her Idealized Version of You

You probably know every complaint she’s ever had about you.

And when things get rough, it’s easy to think that if you just become the man she says she wants, she’ll stay.

But chasing that ideal reverses polarity and destroys her natural attraction.

Real masculine energy comes from being you, grounded and confident, not an avatar built to please her.

She can’t help being attracted to your masculine energy just as you can’t help being attracted to her feminine energy.

What You Can Do Right Now

Pause the panic.

Remove all forms of pressure by giving her emotional space.

Stop trying to save the marriage through desperate effort.

Instead, focus on becoming the strongest, clearest version of yourself, even if your marriage is dying.

That shift alone creates the space where organic attraction can grow.

Not from pressure.

Not from fear.

But from your example of what an amazing, happy life looks like.

Want help becoming that man?

April 23, 2025
How To Set Boundaries With Your Wife
You’ll know how to set boundaries with your wife when you clarify what you value.

The mistake most people make is using boundaries like a sword instead of a shield.

I’m going to teach you a simple, no-BS approach to boundaries.

One that actually works.

I explain more in the 15-minute video below, which includes an invitation to join The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

What Bad Boundaries Look Like

Most people are using boundaries like a weapon.

They think boundaries are about forcing other people to stop annoying them.

That’s because 95% of people aren’t fully aware of where feelings come from.

They falsely believe boundaries can control how others make them feel.

This is all wrong.

Your feelings don’t come from other people.

They come from YOU.

YOUR triggers.

YOUR perceptions and attachment to specific outcomes.

Your brain interprets the world through YOUR five senses (which, by the way, are very limited).

Think of boundaries like a fence.

If you use your negative feelings to build the fence, it’s built on something you don’t want.

Boundaries should clarify what you DO want.

Like a fence that defines and protects what’s most important to you.

What Good Boundaries Look Like

A good boundary protects something you value because it’s vital for you.

That’s the key…it’s positive!

Your phone dies if you never charge it, right?

You’re no different.

When you get crystal clear on what keeps you recharged, draw a line in the sand so you don’t exhaust it.

No more over-giving. No more over-accommodating. No more over-serving.

That’s a good boundary.

So what recharges you?
- Time in nature?
- Meaningful conversation?
- A night with the boys?
- Intimacy with your wife?
Protect those things with a boundary, brother.

Protect both how you receive it and how much you give.

We all have behaviors that make us proud of who we are, they light us up so we feel self-respect.

Don’t bend on them.

A boundary around respect means nobody can push you into acting disrespectfully.

A boundary around love means nobody can push you into acting unloving.

If you want strong boundaries with your wife, dig your heels in and hold the line on these things.

If you don’t like how she’s acting?

Don’t join her, step back.

That’s your boundary because you know what you value and what you deserve.

Boundaries Are for BIG Things

Moods? Petty frustrations? Minor annoyances?

They don’t need to have boundaries enforced on them.

Boundaries are for the BIG things.

DEALBREAKERS.

The experiences that would make you step out of someone’s life.

Your wife is always going to have feelings, pushback, and moods…it’s part of her nature.

You must be the rock.
- When she’s stormy, stay grounded.
- When she’s emotional, stand firm.
- When she tests you, don’t react.
That’s having a masculine frame for her feminine behaviors.

But the moment she crosses the line of what you deeply value…

BOOM.

That’s when your boundary comes out for the kinds of people you keep in your life.

The first time your boundary gets crossed warrants a verbal affirmation of what you value and won’t tolerate.

The 2nd time requires a more severe consequence.

By the third offense, you remove yourself from that person’s life.

That’s how serious boundaries are.

How To Set Boundaries With Your Wife Through Coaching

This is the work I do with men.

We dig deep into your core values and get you rock-solid on how to stand firm in them.

You become a man who is a responder, not a reactor.

A man who fills the space that’s his to fill and lets her do the same.

1:1 coaching isn’t for guys who dabble.

It’s for men who want the maximum return on their investment.

Men who don’t pussyfoot around! They go big or go home.

Does that sound like you?
March 14, 2025
How To Be A Leader In Your Marriage When Your Wife Wants Control

You might be wondering how to be a leader in your marriage without overpowering your wife or acting controlling. But what if leadership isn’t about overpowering or controlling someone else? I’m going to show you how leadership is about standing in your own state of well-being, no longer needing your wife (or anyone) to behave a certain way for you to feel solid in your choices.

I once worked with a client who noticed that every time his wife got upset, his body would betray him…one foot would instinctively start turning toward the door.

His foot said, “Run! Avoid conflict!”

But he caught himself, literally grabbed his leg, and planted himself firmly in place to remain present.

He decided, “I’m staying right here. I can handle this.”

His body FACED the conflict, his eyes looked into hers, his ears open, his mouth closed.

After a while, she finished her rant.

He calmly looked at her and asked, “Honey, do you need something from me, or were you just venting”?

That’s how to be a leader in your marriage.

You show your decisive, calm presence when your wife needs it most.

The Jedi Mindset: Lead with Presence Over Emotion

I recently rewatched all the Star Wars movies, and something stood out to me like never before: the clear divide between the Jedi and the Sith.

The Sith, (the dark side) fuel their power with raw emotion (anger, hatred, passion, love, vengeance). They react.

The Jedi? They move with intentionality. They respond rather than react. They have a frame created by a set of values that don’t sway with emotion or circumstance.

Anakin Skywalker struggled with this.

When he lost his mother, he went on a revenge streak to avenge her, killing many.

His love for his wife drove him down an even darker path, terrified he might lose her as he lost his mother.

The Jedi kept pulling him back, reminding him: That’s not the way.

And that’s exactly what this work is about…No longer being controlled by fear!

How To Be A Leader In Your Marriage In Our Modern Era

Most of today’s “heroes” we see in movies don’t follow the Jedi path.

In modern movies, the main character is often fueled by vengeance.

Some injustice happens, and the “hero” lashes out in fury.

This Hollywood version of “hero” has been glorified, but it’s not power at all.

It’s pure reactivity, a misguided portrayal of what true strength really looks like.

A hero initiated by suffering and trials doesn’t operate from reactive emotions.

He doesn’t let his impulses dictate his actions.

His values determine his course, not his momentary feelings.

How To Be A Hero

How you feel about something is secondary when you’ve already decided, in advance, to act in alignment with your values.

That’s what makes a man grounded, powerful, and magnetic.

Emotions don’t move you to regretful actions; you become the anchor.

This is the way of the Jedi.

And if you want to step into this kind of presence and strength in your marriage, your leadership, and your life, it starts with a decision:

Will you lead yourself, or will you let emotions lead you?

If you’re ready to break free from frustration, rebuild attraction, and restore the deep, passionate intimacy you once had with your wife, then it’s time to step up.

March 7, 2025
Your Wife Wants Space? Here’s How Not to Screw It Up
If your wife is sleeping in the other room or wants you to move out, this article is for you. Her need for space may not be what you think! Dive in below to get a better understanding of the difference between physical space and emotional space. There is an offer at the end that could turn your relationship around for good!

What Her Need For Space Is Really All About

Long before our partner asks for physical space, there’s something else that’s been bothering her.

What finally drove her to ask for space was Emotional PRESSURE.

Imagine a scenario where you felt emotional pressure from someone.

Maybe you’ve had…
- An employer who micromanaged your work
- A client who was impossible to please
- A friend who always wanted assurance that they weren’t being excluded
MORE time around these kinds of people only amplifies our desire to get away from them!

Yet what’s the first thing we tend to do when our wife or girlfriend wants space?

We try to be with her MORE, work on the relationship MORE, and push for physical intimacy MORE.

Less is more.

Most men love their wives a lot and are ready to break their backs to be great husbands.

However, we can be a little oblivious to the ways we’ve been putting emotional pressure on our spouse.

How To Give Our Wife Emotional Space

Every woman wants her marriage to succeed.

Asking for space is her last-ditch attempt.

By this point, she feels she’s already done everything possible to show us how we’re putting emotional pressure on her.

She really hopes that eventually we will learn to give her space while still in the same room with her.

I call this emotional space.

You can learn how to give her emotional space while sitting on the same couch and holding her hand!

This level of maturity will no longer land you in the doghouse when she feels overwhelmed with emotional pressure.

The secret is to learn detachment (sometimes called differentiation).

Detachment means…
- Not taking her reactions personally
- Seeing things from her perspective (even if you don’t agree)
- Noticing the uniqueness of her experiences and supporting her through it
- Knowing who YOU are so clearly her opinions don’t feel like threats
- Trusting who YOU are so strongly you don’t feel a need to explain yourself
- Not needing a specific outcome to be ok
Detachment is not giving up or being passive.

We’re practicing detachment when we’re present, engaged, and emotionally tuned in while being non-reactive and empathetic.

Exactly What To Do Over The Next 6 Months

I’ve guided many men through the “I need space” season of their marriage.

Book a free confidence call, and we will discuss how I can guide you each step of the way.

Imagine being a man who can effortlessly lead your relationship away from arguments and frustration back to love, affection, respect, and positive experiences.

Can you see yourself taking charge of your relationship and clearing the blocks preventing the emotional connection your wife needs to feel in love with you?

You want to be this guy…She needs you to be this guy.

I will help you improve the triggers and root issues that are putting emotional pressure on your wife.

When we trust ourselves and gain clarity of who we are, it takes pressure off our wife to have to validate us.

Many issues in a marriage clear up on their own when the man steps up as a more confident version of himself!

We can discuss this more during our call, as well as some advice on how to build POSITIVE emotional connection!
February 14, 2025
(Part 3) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid
This is part 3 of a 3-part series called “Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid” (Click HERE to read part 2). I’m about to share my personal experience. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be all the wiser!

Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid If You Want To Turn It Around
1. Don’t use triggers to determine your behaviors, choices, or actions.
2. Don’t assume sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart (know how to value your differences instead).
3. Avoid holding out for her if she’s said, “I’m done”.
I know what it’s like to love a woman who doesn’t want to be with you.

I also know what it’s like to love a woman who used to love you, but no longer does.

In my early days, I used logic to try to attract a girl who clearly didn’t love me.

I believed that if I saved myself for her by not dating anyone else, she would end things with her boyfriend.

In my imagined fairytale, she would become my dream wife by falling in love with my devotion and abstinence from other women.

I demonstrated these traits to her by not dating any other girls for YEARS while she dated other guys and was seemingly not interested in me.

Despite her full knowledge of my interest and my years of remaining available for her, it never made her want me.

Even after my divorce, I waited a few years to date.

My reason was to work on my loneliness without feminine support and to grieve the loss of my marriage.

But if I’m honest, I also hoped my wife would come running back and I would still be available for her.

Over the last few years of doing men’s work, I’ve come to terms with a startling reality.

Women rarely are reattracted to men who hold out for her after she’s said, “I’m done”.

I’ve seen more of my clients save their marriage by moving on than by waiting around like a loyal puppy.

I’ve even seen this in my dating life.

Once you have a girlfriend, two more women almost always start chasing you.

When you’re solo with no girlfriend, you tend to go unnoticed by the ladies.

Being The Kind Of Man Women Chase

When we see women pursue a man who appears to be solo, it’s usually because he’s confidently leading a life of FREEDOM.

He’s doing what he wants, when he wants, however he wants.

He doesn’t hold back because of fear.

He pushes his limits.

He creates what other people would be to fearful to even try.

These are the guys we see solo sail the Pacific, get in a position of leadership, or stand for a cause while everyone else plays it safe.

The lesson is clear.

Sitting at home waiting for your runaway wife to come back NEVER works.

Waiting is like getting your boat stuck on a sandbar.

She wants to be on a boat that’s going somewhere.

Being a martyr by enduring years without sex, weeks without meaningful conversation, or a job you hate sinks your boat in the sand

Being The Man Your Wife Would Cheat With

It goes without saying.

When a woman does have an affair, it’s never the man paying her bills or sharing her bed who she cheats with.

Yet what do we men tend to do when she pulls back and we want intimacy?

We try to spend MORE time with her, share MORE experiences with her, and talk about the relationship MORE with her.

Less is more.

Being the kind of man she would cheat with means we are living our own life.

To be this kind of man, we must STOP seeing her moods or affection as having any meaning about our value, integrity, or purpose.

Thinking we need her permission to live our best life puts our balls in her purse and makes it hard for her to respect us.

We need to formulate our own script we operate by that makes us want to get out of bed every day and enjoy living.

Avoiding her emotions or stonewalling doesn’t count as getting out and living your own life.

I will help you clarify a new meaning for your purpose as a man in my masculine confidence framework.

Being a MAN is your inherent role on this earth.

Yet what that means has become hazy in our modern times.

I will help you get back to the primal roots of what it means to be masculine and what it means to be feminine.

The magic of attraction between masculine and feminine has existed for all of eternity.

You can tap into this magic by learning how to stay in your own pole (and let her be in hers).
July 23, 2024
(Part 2) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid
This is part 2 of a 3-part series about things to avoid in a failing marriage. (Click HERE to read part 1). I warned in the 1st part that this might be triggering to read. I’m about to turn up the heat, so prepare to have your beliefs challenged!

Men And Women Find Honor In Marriage Differently

In part one of this series, I said to avoid using triggers to justify our choices.

You learned that changing your decisions every time you hear new advice or get a negative reaction from your wife accelerates the spiral to divorce.

Now let’s talk about the 2nd thing to avoid: Thinking sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart!

Ironically, disloyalty causes many divorces, so it’s easy to think the opposite should be true.

For the most part, masculine values are not valued by others when present, BUT they are sorely missed when absent.

Loyalty is a perfect example.

Most women are not going to be burning with intimate passion for you just because you’ve remained sexually monogamous with her.

Paying bills is another example.

Paying bills on time probably won’t get you extra blow-jobs, BUT stop paying those bills and you’ll be met with her displeasure when the power gets shut off!

For some reason, when our wife says she wants out of the relationship, we assume she must not understand the depth of our love or loyalty for her.

We believe that by making her realize how much we care for her and how much we’ve sacrificed for her, we can win back her affection.

Logically, this makes sense to us.

For a man, the loyalty of a woman can largely influence his attraction towards her.

Many would refer to a faithful, loyal lady as a high-value woman.

The problem is, women don’t find a sense of honor or self-respect from masculine values like men do.

How Women Find A Sense Of Honor

In a feminine mind, she feels like she’s violating her own code of honor by committing to a man who she doesn’t have feelings for.

She feels as if she’s being unfaithful to her virtue by being intimate with her husband when she doesn’t feel attraction for him.

In her mind, ending a marriage can feel like she’s choosing honor, fidelity, and virtue.

It’s a masculine virtue to place a lot of our honor on following through on our word, even if we don’t feel like it.

In movies, when the superhero makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the world, we men instantly respect him for doing the hard thing.

For a woman, she gets that same sense of honor by aligning with her feelings despite her words.

Focus On Your Values And Let Her Have Hers

As soon as we try to hold women to the same standards we men find honor in, we set ourselves up for massive frustration.

I compare it to trying to shove a square peg in a round hole.

Here are some choices we have when a peg doesn’t fit in a hole…
1. Get mad at the peg
2. Blame the peg for being square
3. Only play with round pegs and avoid square ones
4. Force the square peg into the round hole (and destroy both in the process)
5. Accept the peg is square
Acceptance is the only path forward if we want to be happy while sharing this planet with women.

Acceptance is not the same as being a doormat.

Part of being masculine is to give others the space to make choices and to allow them to experience the sting of their choices.

If we’ve developed a people-pleasing approach, we can be tempted to smooth over the consequences of other people’s choices

If we pay for the neighbor’s window every time our son hits a baseball through it, he may never learn to hit baseballs away from house windows.

Our son will learn from the sting of his choice if he has to earn the money himself to pay for the window he broke!

The Secret In Marriage Is To VALUE Your Differences

As far as I can tell, women are here to stay, so I choose to accept them as they come.

Personally, I LOVE how a woman’s body is the opposite of mine, especially during intercourse!

It took me a long time to accept that her inner world differs greatly from mine as well.

Learning to VALUE our differences is the only way we can build an abundant, happy life with our wife.

Look at what happens when we value the differences in her body… it produces babies!

What was only 2 people becomes a family of 3, 4, or 5, Etc!

This same concept applies to our contrasting virtues.

A relationship greater than we could have created as a lone ranger becomes possible when we value her opposite way of thinking and feeling.

We can save a lot of frustration when we realize virtues that attract us to women are not the same virtues that attract women to men.

She can value that you’re steady, you can value that she changes.

She can value that you look ahead, you can value that she looks at the moment (and the past).

What A Woman Values From Her Husband In Marriage

I once watched a video about a study conducted with babies and their mothers.

The mother was placed on one end of the room, and the small child, barely old enough to crawl, was placed on the other end.

Between the mother and the child, a chair was placed to block the child’s path.

When the little boys reached the chair, they could see their mom on the other side.

The child would fuss a bit, then get busy trying to climb the chair, move the chair, or go through the chair.

Eventually, the little boys figured out how to get past the chair and reached their moms!

Then it was the little girl’s turn.

When the girls reached the chair, they too could see their mom on the other side.

However, the little girls didn’t try to move the chair; they just stood there and cried!

The story illustrates how men are fixers and women want to communicate where they are so they can be seen.

Our wife wants us to see her in her pain, in her confusion, in the messiness of life, and still love her for who she is.

Men are the watchers, and she craves to be seen by us to her core!

If we react to what emerges from her, or dismiss her feelings, she feels unloved and unvalued.

How To Look At Your Wife With New Eyes

Viewing your wife’s actions through the lens of your own expectations leads to frustration.

In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to keep your eyes on your own gauges for self-respect and self-honor.

I help you clarify fulfilling masculine standards you hold yourself to.

You become like a superhero who does the right thing, knowing he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t.

Are you ready to become this kind of man in your marriage?
July 22, 2024