Staying connected to your own happiness should be your primary focus, not the results of the 5-minute quickie you just gave her.
What To Do If She’s Still Unhappy After
You can’t fix another person’s unhappiness.
You can only show them by example how to have a happy life.
Until you can be okay right where you are, as things are, you’re not in a position to lead the relationship anywhere better.
Feelings can be like clouds.
They block the sun from shining.
So much so, we can start to believe the sun will never shine again.
But this belief doesn’t mean the sun no longer exists.
Your inner well-being is always alive, even when your feelings cloud it over.
A man needs FAITH (even if it’s as small as a grain of mustard seed) that his wellbeing is still alive if he is to move mountains in his life on cloudy days.
If you’re ready to learn how to access that calm, confident center that leads naturally and magnetically, then reach out.
The feminine cannot fully trust or be attracted to an emotional noodle softer than hers.
Emotional Tussle Is the Foreplay She Needs
Men get turned on by visual and physical beauty.
Women? They’re turned on by having an emotional tussle.
When she can push up against you emotionally and feel that you’re solid, unshakable, present, and leading with clarity it sparks something deep.
It’s a form of seduction.
You are emotionally erect, penetrating through her feelings with calm, powerful direction.
That’s the foreplay her nervous system is dying for.
Not good-boy behaviors.
Not reactive asshole moves.
Just a man who stays in his own emotional lane.
What Secretly Turns Her On: A Man Rooted in His Mission
She lives in the now. Emotionally.
You, as the man, must live from the future you’re building.
What does that mean?
Even if right now she’s cold, distant, or closed off, you don’t let that define you.
You show up as the man who already lives in the amazing future you’re committed to.
Adventure. Passion. Freedom. Stability.
Whatever that vision is… Behave like it’s yours.
Embody it. Speak it. Prophesy it into the relationship by selling the vision.
This is how you create intimacy in an otherwise mundane marriage.
Ready to Become That Man?
This is the work I do with men every day.
Whether you want to save your marriage or attract real connection in your dating life, it starts with you being the grounded, calm, masculine leader she can feel in your tone and vibe.
Let’s talk about taking charge of love and romance in your marriage. I’ll help you see why restoring intimacy is a game of inches in a long-term relationship.
The Steps Towards Romance
A quick fix.
A magic pill.
That’s what we men like.
While dating, your partner was probably down for a quickie at the drop of a hat.
If you have a whopping 45 minutes to listen to me babble about taking charge of love and romance in your marriage, check out the video below.
In the video, I give you a list of ways to tell when you should take the lead and go for sex.
For those on a time budget, I’ll cut to the chase.
Forget how many steps or inches there are between your chest and hers.
Keeping score will keep you frustrated.
What you can do right now is STOP letting your horniness be the deciding factor for when you initiate sex.
Your sexual tension is not her problem.
You might say, “But she’s doing yoga in those tight pants today, and it’s turning me on”!
That’s not her problem either.
Your feelings are your problem, and nobody else’s.
Focus on understanding where SHE is right now and simply connect with her THERE.
Your relaxed presence and listening ear will move her one inch closer to intimacy at a pace that’s correct for her.
Sometimes it will be as fast as a few minutes.
Other times, it will be as slow as a few months.
If you’re watching the clock, your vibe of frustration and urgency will keep her at arm’s length indefinitely.
Just look at nature.
When the doe isn’t in heat, the buck is wasting his time trying to get her in the mood.
Graze in the pasture with her.
Jump in front of headlights.
Do epic, fun deer shit.
The breedin’ will happen when it’s breedin’ time.
Can’t I At Least Get A Hug Until Then?
Your wife will wrap her arm around you without thinking when she feels accepted by you.
Accepted where she is.
Unlike deer, women don’t have to wait once a year to feel frisky.
She’s multi-orgasmic and capable of enough intimacy to make us beg for mercy.
She just needs to experience you as a secure man, so she can experience herself as a girl who wants that man.
Stuffing your feelings down doesn’t make you a man.
Neither does watching football, driving a Lambo, or arguing your logic to her.
Being a man means you are clear, focused, deliberate, and intentional.
It also means you know why you choose to live, and you know why you love that reason.
You love that reason so much that even when your wife pulls back, you still have a good day.
You don’t need to be right or prove your worth to get her to want you.
You just need to hold your head high and not let your feelings control your behavior (your feelings are your problem, not hers, remember?).
A man takes action.
He goes first.
He’s a leader and a shield to those who are vulnerable.
The true mark of a mature man is when you understand that all your fear, lack of confidence, urgency, and desperation come from your perspectives, not reality.
As far as intimacy goes, focus on being a mature man and let nature take its course.
Many men are rejected for sex without realizing how they are preventing the intimacy they crave. Dive into this article or watch the video below to discover why women are drawn to men who can face rejection with confidence.
Men Who Act Frustrated When Rejected For Sex Experience A Snowball Effect of Rejection
Rejection by your wife can be frustrating.
This frustration can push her further away, creating a never-ending cycle of more rejection.
When our sexual energy is pent-up, it can feel like a problem that needs an immediate solution.
Being wildly horny in itself isn’t the problem.
How we act when we feel urgent is what turns your wife off.
Although an orgasm seems like an obvious solution, anytime you act desperate, needy, demanding, or mopey, you are putting negative pressure on your wife.
Negative pressure is a HUGE libido killer for women.
Sexually frustrated men tend to use their own level of desire to determine if they should initiate intimacy.
This also leads to more rejection.
Our wife can sense if we are trying to make love because WE can’t handle our own instincts, or if we are initiating because SHE is ripe for engaging it.
Acting on our feelings with no awareness of her emotional state is a guaranteed path to rejection.
She Wants Intimacy With A Man Who Holds His Agency
I used to believe that my feelings were my wife’s job to take care of.
If I was hungry, she should feed me.
If I was horny, she should make love to me.
This mindset made me feel like a victim of her moods and dependent on her for my happiness.
Making others responsible for how we feel is a path to codependency, victimhood, and a sense of neediness.
A man who takes responsibility for his own feelings talks differently.
He won’t say, “You’re making me angry,” he will say, “I feel my anger”.
A man who plays the victim will say things like, “That person is making me feel disrespected”.
A man who owns his agency will say, “My thoughts about that person are making me feel disrespected”.
Men who hold their agency are attractive to women.
Your wife wants to feel that you can hold your emotions AND her emotions without losing your agency.
How To Stop Getting Rejected For Sex
Imagine there is a green light and a red light on every woman’s forehead.
If you try to initiate physical intimacy with your wife when the light is red, it will push her away.
My advice?
ONLY INITIATE WHEN HER LIGHT IS GREEN.
Nearly every guy I coach who is frustrated in the bedroom is initiating when she’s giving clear signals to stop.
We can’t turn her red light green by getting all cuddly and affectionate with her.
A woman’s desire for intimacy comes in seasons, and she can’t just flip a switch to turn it on.
There’s no use in getting upset with her season, just like there’s no use in getting upset if it’s summer or winter.
There is an irony to this.
When we are happy, inspired, successful, and fun without her giving us sex, the sooner her season changes.
Women are not attracted to horny, sexually frustrated men.
But they are attracted to sexy men!
So what’s the difference?
Horny, sexually frustrated men can’t handle discomfort.
Sexy men face discomfort.
Horny, sexually frustrated men act impulsively.
Sexy men act deliberately.
Many horny, sexually frustrated men think they need sex 3 or 5 times a day.
Here’s the truth.
When you have BETTER sex, you’ll crave sex less.
Better sex is enthusiastic, wild, connected, and erotic.
Before we can have better sex, we first need to build emotional intimacy with our partner.
Not taking things personally and tuning into her emotions to validate them is how she feels emotional intimacy.
In my coaching, I teach you how to THINK to feel empowered by things that used to drive you crazy.
Don’t believe this helps?
Right now, imagine biting into a freshly cut lemon… Imagine your teeth squeezing the tart juice out as it drips down your lips… Did your mouth start to water?
Your mouth is watering because of the THOUGHT you just fed in your mind.
Sexually frustrated men need to feed new thoughts!
This article reveals how to be irresistible to your wife by building erotic desire through seduction.
Seduction is not about picking up strange women.
Seduction is about the art of creating and maintaining feelings of positive emotional tension, including sexual tension.
Perhaps you have a fairytale version of love in your mind.
In this fairytale, your wife or girlfriend is magically affectionate, intimate, and sexual with you for 60 years… All because you’re such an easy-going, great guy!
This rarely happens.
Like it or not, seduction is a game.
Playing the game is NOT about being a slimy manipulator who tricks women into liking him.
Games are about having FUN.
If you’ve ever had sex, you are already a player in the game of seduction.
The OUTSIDE Game Of Seduction
Pickup artists use OUTSIDE game to meet and have sex with new women effectively.
Fancy clothes, nice cologne, a fancy watch… those are all OUTSIDE things.
These men know how to catch a woman’s eye.
The female mind loves the tease, temptation, emotions, and illusion of freedom that OUTSIDE game provides.
However, if you do not have INSIDE game, new women you seduce with OUTSIDE game will eventually break up with you.
As they get to know you, they realize it was all smoke and mirrors because everything was just an act to get into her pants.
The INSIDE Game Of Seduction
INSIDE game is all about the vibe your behaviors give off under pressure.
Your inner maturity, confidence, self-esteem, vulnerability, and masculine frame are part of your INSIDE game.
Without a rock-solid INSIDE game, your wife won’t feel safe opening her heart to you.
You want to make your wife sweet and affectionate, but can you handle some raw truth about her? There are 3 steps to take this week to turbo-boost your relationship. But first, let’s face the raw truth head-on.
A dominating voice or fear of punishment was all it took.
I developed a subconscious belief that others should bend to a man’s will.
I tried for 10 years to change what I didn’t like about my wife.
Then, in 2018, a mentor showed me a different way.
You see, I had it backward.
You can’t make women sweet and affectionate, but you can be the kind of man women are sweet and affectionate with.
There is what women say they want, and there is what they can’t help but want.
I’ll show you how to activate what she can’t help but want.
If You Can’t Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate, Then What Should You Do?
If we get back to the primal roots of what it means to be masculine, 99% of marriage issues clear up on their own.
Attraction is NATURAL and will occur without our intervention if we stay in our masculine frame.
Here are 3 steps to take this week so your wife can experience your attractive, masculine frame.
Stop applying negativity to things you don’t like
Celebrate your wife
Go do things you love
Do the above for the next 7 days and notice what changes.
If you like the changes, keep it up!
Being negative about what you don’t like about your wife has about a 5% success rate.
Yet we men tend to use negativity a lot.
You know who else uses negativity to change what they don’t like?
Children.
Like I always say… Women crave men, not boys.
If someone’s behavior has the power to make us negative, they are our boss.
Women are attracted to a man who can’t be bothered, not a man who makes her the boss of how he reacts.
If we take it personally whenever she does something for herself, we are once again acting like a boy, not a man.
In his article, “No, You Can’t Change A Person” Mark Manson points out how trying to change others is manipulation and a violation of personal boundaries.
Having good intentions won’t make up for the violation our wife feels when we try to coerce or change her behaviors.
To Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate, She Needs To Be Celebrated
Your wife’s deepest need is to be seen to her core and praised for who she is.
When you celebrate your wife’s “wins” or fun times she has with her friends, you are showing that you are happy for her and glad she had fun.
I used to keep a mental scorecard of how much attention my wife gave me vs others and would make a fuss if she had fun without me.
Experience has shown me women feel a draw towards those who celebrate them.
She isn’t out to maliciously hurt you, but it can feel like that if you have a scarcity mindset.
An abundance mindset knows that other people having love, attention, money, intimacy, or fun won’t reduce what’s available for us to create.
The Secret To Erotic Intimacy
When you take the initiative to do things you love for your own sake, you lift a huge burden off your wife’s shoulders.
At the core of wild, fun, erotic intimacy is the exchange of energy.
The type of energy doesn’t matter, really.
Feeling very upset with each other can translate into passionate intercourse.
Annoyance can turn to a playful tease until you are both so ravenous you’re ripping each other’s clothes off.
But if you’ve been using the marriage bed as a place to GET validation…
If you’ve been looking to your wife to remove your horniness..
It’s time to be comfortable in your own skin and let attraction do all the work.
Be the kind of man who can make your wife sweet and affectionate again by celebrating her.
I would love to hear about your personal situation and get to know you.
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