Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Strengthening Marital Bonds

(Part 3) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid
This is part 3 of a 3-part series called “Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid” (Click HERE to read part 2). I’m about to share my personal experience. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be all the wiser!

Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid If You Want To Turn It Around
1. Don’t use triggers to determine your behaviors, choices, or actions.
2. Don’t assume sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart (know how to value your differences instead).
3. Avoid holding out for her if she’s said, “I’m done”.
I know what it’s like to love a woman who doesn’t want to be with you.

I also know what it’s like to love a woman who used to love you, but no longer does.

In my early days, I used logic to try to attract a girl who clearly didn’t love me.

I believed that if I saved myself for her by not dating anyone else, she would end things with her boyfriend.

In my imagined fairytale, she would become my dream wife by falling in love with my devotion and abstinence from other women.

I demonstrated these traits to her by not dating any other girls for YEARS while she dated other guys and was seemingly not interested in me.

Despite her full knowledge of my interest and my years of remaining available for her, it never made her want me.

Even after my divorce, I waited a few years to date.

My reason was to work on my loneliness without feminine support and to grieve the loss of my marriage.

But if I’m honest, I also hoped my wife would come running back and I would still be available for her.

Over the last few years of doing men’s work, I’ve come to terms with a startling reality.

Women rarely are reattracted to men who hold out for her after she’s said, “I’m done”.

I’ve seen more of my clients save their marriage by moving on than by waiting around like a loyal puppy.

I’ve even seen this in my dating life.

Once you have a girlfriend, two more women almost always start chasing you.

When you’re solo with no girlfriend, you tend to go unnoticed by the ladies.

Being The Kind Of Man Women Chase

When we see women pursue a man who appears to be solo, it’s usually because he’s confidently leading a life of FREEDOM.

He’s doing what he wants, when he wants, however he wants.

He doesn’t hold back because of fear.

He pushes his limits.

He creates what other people would be to fearful to even try.

These are the guys we see solo sail the Pacific, get in a position of leadership, or stand for a cause while everyone else plays it safe.

The lesson is clear.

Sitting at home waiting for your runaway wife to come back NEVER works.

Waiting is like getting your boat stuck on a sandbar.

She wants to be on a boat that’s going somewhere.

Being a martyr by enduring years without sex, weeks without meaningful conversation, or a job you hate sinks your boat in the sand

Being The Man Your Wife Would Cheat With

It goes without saying.

When a woman does have an affair, it’s never the man paying her bills or sharing her bed who she cheats with.

Yet what do we men tend to do when she pulls back and we want intimacy?

We try to spend MORE time with her, share MORE experiences with her, and talk about the relationship MORE with her.

Less is more.

Being the kind of man she would cheat with means we are living our own life.

To be this kind of man, we must STOP seeing her moods or affection as having any meaning about our value, integrity, or purpose.

Thinking we need her permission to live our best life puts our balls in her purse and makes it hard for her to respect us.

We need to formulate our own script we operate by that makes us want to get out of bed every day and enjoy living.

Avoiding her emotions or stonewalling doesn’t count as getting out and living your own life.

I will help you clarify a new meaning for your purpose as a man in my masculine confidence framework.

Being a MAN is your inherent role on this earth.

Yet what that means has become hazy in our modern times.

I will help you get back to the primal roots of what it means to be masculine and what it means to be feminine.

The magic of attraction between masculine and feminine has existed for all of eternity.

You can tap into this magic by learning how to stay in your own pole (and let her be in hers).
July 23, 2024
Does Your Wife Make You Feel Unloved?
When you feel unloved, it’s tempting to pout, get angry, or blame feminism. It’s hard when your love tank is running on fumes. If that’s you, let’s take a hard look at your options. There are some mistakes men tend to make when they feel unloved that only push love further away.

Rekindling Affection: 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

Take The Focus Off Her If You Feel Unloved

Taking the focus off your wife might sound illogical.

If your wife makes you feel unloved, shouldn’t she step up and be more loving?

You miss her flirty looks and admiration.

Her touch makes you feel special.

But complaining or demanding love doesn’t create love.

You can’t control your wife to make her sweeter and more loving.

Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside your control is a lose-lose.

I get it.

Love & affection feel amazing!

But when the morning cuddles stop, and you feel unloved, you’re suddenly reliant on your own love.

You’re stepping out of your manly power when you lose sleep, agonize, and bang your head on the wall over stuff you have no control over!

This concept isn’t new.

The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned that things outside your control are things you shouldn’t worry about.

How your wife feels is 100% outside your control.

I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”

No brother, “fixing issues” has never saved a marriage… but “fixing” your own insecurities can!

YOU are always 100% in YOUR control.

Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over your wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement.

In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes.

A man who complains about his job, wife, government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.

Her attraction is awakened by a man who maintains his power by not playing the victim.

If You Feel Unloved, Focus On What’s In Your Control

Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” reminding us that the things in our zone of influence are still mostly beyond our control.

Directing your focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within your zone of influence drains you.

Your love tank is already low.

It’s time to fill it.

Not from her, but by engaging in things that ENERGIZE you.

Things that put you in a better mood and make you happy.

No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%.

Humans are not robots.

Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.

This one is sticky since sometimes you can influence someone to be different.

This is more the exception than the rule, though.

If you apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what you want, you’re putting yourself at their mercy.

It’s not pleasant when you feel unloved, but you need to think like a CREATOR (the opposite of a victim).

There are some rules of attraction you should know about.

Want love? Be loving.

Want respect? Then respect.

Want trust? Then trust.

Your marriage reaches a stalemate if you wait for her to stop making you feel unloved.

How To Get Your Mojo Back

Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?

Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody gave it appreciation?

No, the sun is just doing what it does, and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”

This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.

Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life appear when you pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside your control.

This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or the shine he puts off.

And that’s dam attractive – the opposite of chasing love!

95% of men choose not to focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at their “ya buts”.
- Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
- Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
- Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
- Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here
Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want.

Everything you have in life you’ve chosen.

You chose your wife…You chose your home…You chose your car.

When those things are frustrating, you’re living with what YOU chose.

You can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.

You can make NEW choices when you face your “Ya buts.“

A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!

The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back.”

REALLY let her go, I might add.

This sounds so paradoxical when you feel unloved.

Everything in you wants to tell her to get her shit together.

But that’s not love, it’s desperation.

If you’re struggling to be the kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts,” then reach out.

My coaching is exactly what you need to rewire your brain so you can attract what you want.
January 31, 2024
Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Breakdown in Modern Marriages
This article is about a masculine identity crisis plaguing many men and why this breakdown is creating frustration in marriages.

The struggle to feel desirable when your wife or girlfriend isn’t being affectionate can be painful.

You’ll tend to think, “If only she would warm up to me, everything would feel better!“

I realize this logically makes sense.

But what if needing your wife to change is what’s keeping her (and you) stuck?

If sex is the only thing that makes you feel valuable, it’s time to get back to the roots of what it means to be a man.

In the video below, relationship coach Mark Drezga and I explain how a masculine identity crisis is leaving men uncertain about what they’re supposed to provide in modern marriages.

Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Factor In The Breakdown of Modern Marriages

Without An Identity, There Can Be No Intimacy

To be intimately joined to something, you first have to be separate from it.

If your entire life has merged with your wife’s, you don’t have a clear identity.

Having an identity is a normal part of developing from a child into an adult.

Without an identity, nothing sets you apart from the crowd.

In fact, identity (ego) is necessary to have a perceptive consciousness.

Notice how a child doesn’t seem to have awareness of how they impact their surroundings.

As a child matures, he/she develop more consciousness in tandem with having a sense of self (ego).

Many times, it’s during this childhood-adult transition that the masculine identity crisis sets in.

His sex drive makes him want a lover, so he tries to make himself into what he thinks women want.

The Masculine Identity Crisis In Modern Marriages

Every man is born with a drive to provide.

It doesn’t have to be money.

Time, protection, help – there are countless things men provide.

Things men can DO are the most common (Like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow off the driveway).

The masculine identity crisis sets in when a man thinks DOING THINGS is the only way he can provide.

We live in a time where women can do most anything without their man’s help.

There was no corporate ladder or city transit system 1,000 years ago.

Back then, if you could chop firewood and fix a roof, you were her knight in shining armor.

But many men feel lost now, feeling like their wives don’t need them to provide anything.

This threatens his very purpose.

Is it any wonder suicide runs 4x higher with men vs women?

The Masculine Identity Crisis Forces Men To Find Emotional Purpose

There was a time when your purpose was to kill a buffalo for winter.

Why? Because your wife couldn’t.

Feeling needed by your wife is important for men!

We need to feel like what we provide is highly valued.

Our modern society is set up so women can provide for themselves whatever they need.

But one thing women will always need from men is emotional polarity.

She won’t feel this polarity if you always try to please her, agree with her, and make her happy, hoping that will make her like you.

This is how the masculine identity crisis is formed.

She hates onions, so you say you don’t like them too.

She hates a specific stereotype of men, so you hate on them too.

Play this out over the long haul, and you lose your own identity.

Your wife will lose her sexual desire for you.

She needs to feel emotional polarity.

Being her girlfriend with a beard destroys that polarity.

Having emotional purpose means you value the emotional element you bring to the relationship.
- Being steady and nonreactive
- Facing uncomfortable feelings with empathy and curiosity
- Tuning into the current moment without trying to change it
Those are examples of having an emotional purpose that is masculine, not feminine.

Resolving The Masculine Identity Crisis

To attract a female, be a man!

Hang out with men.

Talk how men talk.

Stop trying to “not be like those guys”.

In fact, the more you hang out with mature men, the more you’ll act like a mature man.

Females have a sedative effect on men.

If you spend too much time with your partner, you’ll start acting more feminine.

When you stop trying to provide by only DOING things, you’ll find a new identity in how you can BE while you are doing those things.

To resolve the masculine identity crisis, start placing your sense of value into the attitude you bring, not your actions.

Attitudes like:
- Stabilty
- Clarity
- Disernment
- Playfulness
- Leadership
Taking The Next Step To Feeling Like A Valuable Man

Even if your wife is a CEO who mows her own lawn, she will never be able to channel the VIBE of masculinity day after day, year after year.

You were built not to burn out from routine daily efforts.

Why do you think Edison spent YEARS trying to figure out how to make a light bulb?

Because masculine thrives on the PROCESS of exploration!

Most ladies would have given up after the first 300 tries.

She’s wired to love the RESULTS of exploration.

Not you.

You can show up steady, grounded, deliberate, and intentional again and again for your entire life, loving the process.

You can feel the timeless value you bring to relationships when you get crystal clear on what you value and how that man behaves.

I help men every day find their inner code to live by that feminine will always be drawn to.
January 31, 2024
How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her
By the time you’re asking how to give your wife space, your marriage is suffering pretty badly. You’ve already begged, pleaded, cried, demanded, and tried to be Prince Charming. The result? “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”… and, “I need space”. That was my experience at least. But after working with tons of men in struggling relationships, I’ve realized you and I are not alone. Let’s talk about how to give your wife space in a way that I see working best for my clients.

How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her

Why Your Wife Wants Space

Don’t worry about why.

Seriously, it’s a moving target.

And your questions are what moves it.
- Why can’t we work this out?
- Why didn’t you say something sooner?
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why are you being so cold?
- Why can’t we have sex?
Your questions about her lack of commitment and desire are what’s driving her need for space.

Keep pelting her with those, and you’ll lose her fast.

Needing to know “why” is a primal drive in men, so I get why you feel the urge.

But pretty much everything your urges are telling you right now will drive her right out of your life.

You don’t learn how to give your wife space by fixing problems with the marriage.

You learn how by detaching from her needing to change for you to be ok.

Women always sense your motives.

She can smell that motive a mile away.

Your unease, restlessness, and desperation stink so bad right now, she needs space from it.

Trying to sort why she needs space with her is like puking on the floor and then shoving her face in it to identify what bad food you ate… all while she’s sick with COVID.

This is NOT how you attract loving desire from your wife.

How To Give Your Wife Space Without Pushing Her Away

Don’t resist her need for space.

Set her free.

Your FEAR that she won’t return is what you and I need to have a talk about.

Build ANYTHING in life out of fear, and it will be subpar.

I explain how to give your wife space as if you have a fish on the line.

It’s not about how much line to let out before you lose the fish.

If you’ve ever hooked a big bass, you know to let the drag out so the line doesn’t snap.

The way to give your wife space without losing her is to loosen the drag.

You loosen the drag by living as a happily divorced man.

Many online influencers talk about their “5-step plan to get her back” or “the no contact rule” to get her back.

These tactics provide quick positive results IF you’ve only been dating or married for less than 24 months.

Long-term relationships are a whole different breed.

Your wife of many years won’t be fooled by games or tactics.

You’ve both grown apart over the years, and “no contact” would be more of the same.

When you let the drag out, it’s about releasing tension, not avoiding her.

In my book, I explain the 5 seasons every marriage goes through.

This helps you understand what your wife needs most during each season to remain attracted to you.

The biggest mistake you can make right now is to act on impulse, fear, and desperation instead of clarity, calmness, and self-reliance for your happiness.

Sobbing tears about how much she’s hurting you will only repulse her.

She craves spine.

A man who doesn’t need her validation.

A man who is secure enough to let her go.

Taking the high road like this is a choice.

It’s where you drop resentment, anger, and all your hate about how she’s acting.

If you want something to reel in, reel in that stuff.

You have to TRUST that taking the high road IS THE ONLY WAY to lead a relationship to a better place.

How To Give Your Wife Space In 4 Steps
1. Don’t get her flowers, declare your undying love, or try to get her turned on for sex
2. Don’t follow her around or phone her “just to check in”
3. Don’t track her, plan things for her to show up to, confide in your in-laws, or try to sway her friends (especially the in-laws)
4. Don’t have long conversations about the relationship, beg, convince, present your case for why this can be fixed, or try to buy her back with a new house or truck (I know guys who tried this!!).
If you do these things, you will be divorced within a few months.

What To Do With Yourself So You Don’t Lose Your Wife
1. Pour all your focus into improving yourself as a virile, purpose-filled, confident man who lives a life he loves.
2. Hold yourself to what makes you a high-value man by your own standards.
3. Use this opportunity to launch, create, or dive into something not practical to execute when tied to the time constraints of a relationship.
4. Share your needs, anxiety, loneliness, expectations, and attachment to outcomes with men. Men are your new source of validation, not her.
A man who respects himself won’t try to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.

If you don’t respect yourself, your wife never will either.

Here are the words of an attractive, confident man who respects himself:

“I understand you need space and feel uncertain about your feelings for me, sweetie. I’ll be glad to give you 4 months of separation. If after that time you don’t want to be with me, I’m prepared to let you go.“

This shows masculine energy by taking leadership of the situation.

It lifts a tremendous amount of PRESSURE off her by being the one who sorts out the logistics.

If I could summarize how to give your wife space in two words, it would be this: REMOVE PRESSURE.
- Pressure to stay
- Pressure to know how long she will need space
- Pressure to give you assurance
- Pressure by guilting her or trying to make her feel obligated
Any interaction you have with your wife during separation (no matter how small) is an opportunity to show her a whole new version of you.

A version that is inspired, fulfilled, happy, calm, and takes leadership.

A man who doesn’t pressure her for certainty or need any specific outcome to be ok.

Afraid Your Wife Will Have An Afair If You Back Off?

You will never fear any woman cheating on you if you have boundaries.

If she has an affair, you will simply execute your boundary.

Trying to manipulate situations to prevent a feared outcome is very indirect and repulsive to feminine.

And be honest, you don’t like being that guy anyway.

Focus on being the right man and let the wrong women sluff away.

My Masculine Confidence Framework Teaches You How To Give Your Wife Space

Without clarity, there can be no confidence.

Worrying and fretting about how to give your wife space without losing her is a life of walking on eggshells.

It’s not attractive.

Guy’s I coach dramatically speed up their evolution into being an attractive man who women don’t need space from.

In fact, you’ll be able to sit on the same couch and give her all the space she needs.

But right now, you’re new to this.

You should probably send her to her sister’s place or move her into the spare room so she can get immediate relief from your pressure.

Then you & I will dig into the deeper issues you need to face while she gets a break from the old you.

Understanding how to embody masculine traits, lead with confidence, and uphold strong personal standards will significantly transform your relationships with women.
January 31, 2024
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)
I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage

Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

Travis almost didn’t hear her.

He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.

“I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.

Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.

Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.

He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.

He was more interested in the new listing he just found.

“Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.

“Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.

“Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.

Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”

“Huh?”, Travis said, confused.

Kate’s face got emotional.

Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.

Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.

He felt himself getting angry.

“Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.

Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.

Kate began walking out of the room.

In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”

Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.

About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.

He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.

While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.

Yay!

Dinner in bed would be fun.

Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.

She fell asleep moments later.

He finished the episode by himself.

This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not

Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.

Management is a form of damage control.

You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!

In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.

The leader of a company looks broad range.

A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.

Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.

You’ll win the battle but lose the war.

The same applies to your marriage.

Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:
- “I don’t care”
- Whatever is easy”
- “Whatever you want honey”
- “Maybe”
- “Huh?”
Do those sound like words of leadership to you?

Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.

That’s what managers do.

Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.

Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.

Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.

She can’t do that with a manager.

Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.

She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.

Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.

Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.

Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.

It’s very selfish to not know what you want

How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership

Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.

Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.

He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.

Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:
- “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
- “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
- “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”
A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.

Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”

Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.

Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership

Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices

In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.

A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.

Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.

When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.

Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later

Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.

He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.

Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.

This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.

These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.

Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.

When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.

Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.

Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.

His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.

How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now

I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.

Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.

You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.

Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.
January 31, 2024