I think every man’s wife or girlfriend, at some point, has said, “Is sex all you think about? It feels like a misunderstanding… a booby trap… a negative assault on a positive thing. Well, keep reading. I’ll show how to defuse your partner’s landmine questions.
“Is Sex All You Think About?”
Make no apology for being male!
Reflect on the history of humanity spanning thousands of years.
Since the beginning, women have been attracted to men with a sex drive.
She’s been love-sick for the man who gives her children.
Ladies have chased men simply because they are men.
Thanks to men’s insatiable drive for physical intimacy, the human race has not gone extinct.
How cool is that?
When a woman says to me, “Is sex all you think about?” I smile and say, yup!
Sex opens a man’s heart.
It makes him care.
Sex is the portal through which men gain emotional connection and bonding.
This is how we’re supposed to be wired; there is nothing wrong with it!
With annoyance, your partner might say, “Is sex all you think about?”
But that’s a reflection of her mood, not you.
It’s that simple.
Her statement isn’t a judgment call; it’s a testimony of her feelings.
The secret is not to get defensive.
Don’t give her a lecture on how men need sex.
This is a time to hear her feelings, not her words.
It’s Not Personal When She Says, “Is Sex All You Think About?”
Accusations won’t affect you if you know who you really are.
If you take other people’s complaints personally, something happens in your subconscious.
Part of you feels repressed, needing outside validation.
This creates a split in your personality.
That split feels like loneliness, depression, lack of motivation, and despair.
If you try to close the gap by making the other person understand your intentions, you’re not actually healing the split.
To keep your personality whole and secure, do one thing: Stop letting other people decide what is acceptable or unacceptable about you!
There’s a toxic mindset among a lot of men these days.
The mindset is that men in their natural form are chauvinistic, patriarchal pigs who need to change for women to want them.
This is not true.
At your core, you are a provider.
There is nothing “toxic” about that.
You’ll often hear me say, “There are some things we get to know as men that are best not to share with women”.
Here’s the irony: What I’m sharing in this article is one of those things.
The masculine error is when we get so focused on success and providing that we are not fully present in the moment.
That’s what she feels when she says, “Is sex all you think about”?
To her, your drive for intimacy seems poorly timed.
The present moment isn’t sexual for her, and it feels like you’re not tuned into that.
We men with logical brains can foresee probable outcomes.
When your child wants to eat candy for lunch, they may not understand why you won’t let them.
Explaining, “Just because something tastes good, doesn’t mean it’s good for you” won’t resolve the child’s FEELINGS for candy.
Sometimes you’ll foresee that your wife’s train (opinions) will wreck further down the track.
But her perspectives are based on feelings, not foresight.
If you try to use logic to help her see this, her feelings will feel neglected.
Keep logic to yourself, and simply offer her your curiosity and empathy.
Being A Man On A Feminine Planet
Nature is feminine… Weather is feminine… Seasons are feminine… there’s no escaping it!
At every turn, you will be challenged by the changes feminine brings.
If you are confident in your sexuality, you won’t feel insulted when your wife or girlfriend complains about it.
But do you feel insulted?
If so, you might have a split within yourself…a part of you still looking for outside validation.
Every man fears being seen as a sexual predator.
To not feel like a predator, he looks for his partner’s approval to express his sexuality.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
This is something deeper.
A part of you that feels like your sexuality is to much, to dirty, or not good enough for women to love it.
That can be healed in my masculine confidence framework.
Sexual shame leaks out by needing validation that your sexuality is ok.
Women are a hurricane of emotions, ideas, creativity, and life.
Her feminine chaos of feelings needs your strong emotional framework.
That framework feels weak if her complaints bring out your defensiveness.
Online influencer Teal Swan wrote a great article on masculine containment if you want more information on what it means to have a masculine frame.
Being a woman’s husband isn’t too far off from being her father.
Some women reject this masculine frame and become her own man.
These masculine ladies won’t feel sexual polarity with men who are strong, secure, clear-thinking, driven, or unapologetic.
The reason is simple: she doesn’t need a man.
Sadly, a woman stuck in her masculine will be riddled with tension, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, and burnout.
Women tend to be softer and feminine when YOU stay in your masculine energy.
Being the man you need to be is the only thing you can control.
How To Be A Secure Man When She Says, “Is Sex All You Think About?”
You can transform from being a guy who rattles off an 18-point logic list when your partner rolls her eyes to becoming a man of inner confidence and charisma, who wears a slight smirk even on rainy days.
To be a woman’s frame, you first need to have your OWN frame.
That’s what I’m teaching men how to do.
Q: If my wife loves me, shouldn’t she want sex with me?
A: The warmth and affection a man feels for a woman he loves largely revolves around his sexual attraction for her.
Women are the opposite.
There are 3 types of sexual desire for women.
1. Primal instinct to make a baby
2. Primal desire to release pent-up energy
3. A progression into sex because of a strong sense of safety, trust, and emotional connection.
In a long-term relationship, #3 is the one you want to learn to build with your wife.
Q: Why does my wife never initiate sex?
A: Your wife probably initiated sex when you were dating.
She probably did through the honeymoon phase, too.
Once you understand the 5 stages of love every relationship goes through, it makes sense why she no longer initiates sex.
At your wife’s core, she is feminine.
It goes against her nature to go first, lead, or take initiative.
She can do that for a time, but she burns out.
Feminine is a receiver, a benefactor, the one who desires to be taken somewhere in life.
She wants you to TAKE HER in love-making.
The secret is to be tuned into your wife enough to know when to go for it.
Feminine will drop subtle clues when she wants to have sex.
You might be totally missing those cues.
Q: My wife always rejects me when I try to initiate sex.
A: Imagine your wife has 3 lights on her forehead (red, yellow, green).
If you get rejected every time you initiate sex, it means you are initiating when her light is red.
If she’s down to cuddle but rejects you if you try to touch her anywhere else, it’s because her light is yellow.
I haven’t been rejected for sex in many years because I only initiate sex when her light is green.
Learn to read her body.
If you don’t feel her receptivity, STOP.
Trying to turn her on will fail until you build a stronger emotional connection.
Q: I’m afraid that if I stop initiating sex, our marriage will go sexless.
A: Some men believe sex is like pizza.
The saying goes, “bad pizza is better than no pizza”.
But I’m here to tell you that you will NEVER have good pizza unless you stop eating bad pizza.
Show yourself respect for what you deserve and stop settling for less than that.
If your marriage goes sexless because you won’t settle for anything less than passionate, loving, intimate sex, that gives you clarity about whether your wife is the kind of woman who deserves your awesome sexuality.
Don’t assume it’s all your wife’s fault.
If you are not being the masculine energy to your wife’s emotions, she won’t feel attraction that opens her body.
