Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Attraction

This section contains Empowering blog articles are for men passionate about creating attraction with their cold, dismissive, or withdrawn wife.

  • (Part 3) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    (Part 3) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    This is part 3 of a 3-part series called “Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid” (Click HERE to read part 2). I’m about to share my personal experience. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be all the wiser!

    Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid If You Want To Turn It Around

    1. Don’t use triggers to determine your behaviors, choices, or actions.
    2. Don’t assume sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart (know how to value your differences instead).
    3. Avoid holding out for her if she’s said, “I’m done”.

    I know what it’s like to love a woman who doesn’t want to be with you.

    I also know what it’s like to love a woman who used to love you, but no longer does.

    In my early days, I used logic to try to attract a girl who clearly didn’t love me.

    I believed that if I saved myself for her by not dating anyone else, she would end things with her boyfriend.

    In my imagined fairytale, she would become my dream wife by falling in love with my devotion and abstinence from other women.

    I demonstrated these traits to her by not dating any other girls for YEARS while she dated other guys and was seemingly not interested in me.

    Despite her full knowledge of my interest and my years of remaining available for her, it never made her want me.

    Even after my divorce, I waited a few years to date.

    My reason was to work on my loneliness without feminine support and to grieve the loss of my marriage.

    But if I’m honest, I also hoped my wife would come running back and I would still be available for her.

    Over the last few years of doing men’s work, I’ve come to terms with a startling reality.

    Women rarely are reattracted to men who hold out for her after she’s said, “I’m done”. 

    I’ve seen more of my clients save their marriage by moving on than by waiting around like a loyal puppy.

    I’ve even seen this in my dating life.

    Once you have a girlfriend, two more women almost always start chasing you.

    When you’re solo with no girlfriend, you tend to go unnoticed by the ladies.

    Being The Kind Of Man Women Chase 

    When we see women pursue a man who appears to be solo, it’s usually because he’s confidently leading a life of FREEDOM.

    He’s doing what he wants, when he wants, however he wants.

    He doesn’t hold back because of fear.

    He pushes his limits.

    He creates what other people would be to fearful to even try.

    These are the guys we see solo sail the Pacific, get in a position of leadership, or stand for a cause while everyone else plays it safe.

    The lesson is clear.

    Sitting at home waiting for your runaway wife to come back NEVER works.

    Waiting is like getting your boat stuck on a sandbar.

    She wants to be on a boat that’s going somewhere. 

    Being a martyr by enduring years without sex, weeks without meaningful conversation, or a job you hate sinks your boat in the sand

    Being The Man Your Wife Would Cheat With

    It goes without saying.

    When a woman does have an affair, it’s never the man paying her bills or sharing her bed who she cheats with.

    Yet what do we men tend to do when she pulls back and we want intimacy?

    We try to spend MORE time with her, share MORE experiences with her, and talk about the relationship MORE with her.

    Less is more.

    Being the kind of man she would cheat with means we are living our own life.

    To be this kind of man, we must STOP seeing her moods or affection as having any meaning about our value, integrity, or purpose.

    Thinking we need her permission to live our best life puts our balls in her purse and makes it hard for her to respect us. 

    We need to formulate our own script we operate by that makes us want to get out of bed every day and enjoy living.

    Avoiding her emotions or stonewalling doesn’t count as getting out and living your own life.

    I will help you clarify a new meaning for your purpose as a man in my masculine confidence framework.

    Being a MAN is your inherent role on this earth.

    Yet what that means has become hazy in our modern times.

    I will help you get back to the primal roots of what it means to be masculine and what it means to be feminine.

    The magic of attraction between masculine and feminine has existed for all of eternity.

    You can tap into this magic by learning how to stay in your own pole (and let her be in hers).

  • (Part 2) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    (Part 2) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    This is part 2 of a 3-part series about things to avoid in a failing marriage. (Click HERE to read part 1). I warned in the 1st part that this might be triggering to read. I’m about to turn up the heat, so prepare to have your beliefs challenged!

    Men And Women Find Honor In Marriage Differently

    In part one of this series, I said to avoid using triggers to justify our choices.

    You learned that changing your decisions every time you hear new advice or get a negative reaction from your wife accelerates the spiral to divorce. 

    Now let’s talk about the 2nd thing to avoid: Thinking sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart! 

    Ironically, disloyalty causes many divorces, so it’s easy to think the opposite should be true.  

    For the most part, masculine values are not valued by others when present, BUT they are sorely missed when absent.

    Loyalty is a perfect example.

    Most women are not going to be burning with intimate passion for you just because you’ve remained sexually monogamous with her.

    Paying bills is another example.

    Paying bills on time probably won’t get you extra blow-jobs, BUT stop paying those bills and you’ll be met with her displeasure when the power gets shut off!

    For some reason, when our wife says she wants out of the relationship, we assume she must not understand the depth of our love or loyalty for her.

    We believe that by making her realize how much we care for her and how much we’ve sacrificed for her, we can win back her affection.

    Logically, this makes sense to us.  

    For a man, the loyalty of a woman can largely influence his attraction towards her.

    Many would refer to a faithful, loyal lady as a high-value woman.

    The problem is, women don’t find a sense of honor or self-respect from masculine values like men do.

    How Women Find A Sense Of Honor

    In a feminine mind, she feels like she’s violating her own code of honor by committing to a man who she doesn’t have feelings for.

    She feels as if she’s being unfaithful to her virtue by being intimate with her husband when she doesn’t feel attraction for him.

    In her mind, ending a marriage can feel like she’s choosing honor, fidelity, and virtue.

    It’s a masculine virtue to place a lot of our honor on following through on our word, even if we don’t feel like it.

    In movies, when the superhero makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the world, we men instantly respect him for doing the hard thing.  

    For a woman, she gets that same sense of honor by aligning with her feelings despite her words.

    Focus On Your Values And Let Her Have Hers

    As soon as we try to hold women to the same standards we men find honor in, we set ourselves up for massive frustration.

    I compare it to trying to shove a square peg in a round hole.

    Here are some choices we have when a peg doesn’t fit in a hole…

    1. Get mad at the peg
    2. Blame the peg for being square
    3. Only play with round pegs and avoid square ones
    4. Force the square peg into the round hole (and destroy both in the process)
    5. Accept the peg is square

    Acceptance is the only path forward if we want to be happy while sharing this planet with women.

    Acceptance is not the same as being a doormat.

    Part of being masculine is to give others the space to make choices and to allow them to experience the sting of their choices.

    If we’ve developed a people-pleasing approach, we can be tempted to smooth over the consequences of other people’s choices

    If we pay for the neighbor’s window every time our son hits a baseball through it, he may never learn to hit baseballs away from house windows.

    Our son will learn from the sting of his choice if he has to earn the money himself to pay for the window he broke!

    The Secret In Marriage Is To VALUE Your Differences

    As far as I can tell, women are here to stay, so I choose to accept them as they come.

    Personally, I LOVE how a woman’s body is the opposite of mine, especially during intercourse!

    It took me a long time to accept that her inner world differs greatly from mine as well.

    Learning to VALUE our differences is the only way we can build an abundant, happy life with our wife.

    Look at what happens when we value the differences in her body… it produces babies!

    What was only 2 people becomes a family of 3, 4, or 5, Etc!

    This same concept applies to our contrasting virtues.

    A relationship greater than we could have created as a lone ranger becomes possible when we value her opposite way of thinking and feeling.

    We can save a lot of frustration when we realize virtues that attract us to women are not the same virtues that attract women to men.

    She can value that you’re steady, you can value that she changes.

    She can value that you look ahead, you can value that she looks at the moment (and the past).

    What A Woman Values From Her Husband In Marriage

    I once watched a video about a study conducted with babies and their mothers.

    The mother was placed on one end of the room, and the small child, barely old enough to crawl, was placed on the other end.

    Between the mother and the child, a chair was placed to block the child’s path.

    When the little boys reached the chair, they could see their mom on the other side.

    The child would fuss a bit, then get busy trying to climb the chair, move the chair, or go through the chair.

    Eventually, the little boys figured out how to get past the chair and reached their moms!

    Then it was the little girl’s turn.

    When the girls reached the chair, they too could see their mom on the other side.

    However, the little girls didn’t try to move the chair; they just stood there and cried!

    The story illustrates how men are fixers and women want to communicate where they are so they can be seen.

    Our wife wants us to see her in her pain, in her confusion, in the messiness of life, and still love her for who she is.

    Men are the watchers, and she craves to be seen by us to her core!

    If we react to what emerges from her, or dismiss her feelings, she feels unloved and unvalued.

    How To Look At Your Wife With New Eyes

    Viewing your wife’s actions through the lens of your own expectations leads to frustration.

    In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to keep your eyes on your own gauges for self-respect and self-honor.

    I help you clarify fulfilling masculine standards you hold yourself to.

    You become like a superhero who does the right thing, knowing he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t.

    Are you ready to become this kind of man in your marriage?

  • (Part 1) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    (Part 1) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

    This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a guide for recovering a failing marriage. Also, notice how often Luke changes his mind as he’s met with new advice or his wife’s reactions. If you want to stop the downward spiral towards divorce, don’t be a “Luke”.  

    Luke’s Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness

    3 Days ago.

    That’s when Luke’s wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, “I want a divorce”.

    Luke’s world was turned upside down.

    He knew their marriage had issues, but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.

    Luke’s emotions were overwhelming.

    He couldn’t keep the tears back.

    He cried, begged, and pleaded for Hailey to change her mind.

    Nothing he said could sway her decision.

    Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.

    “If she wants divorce, let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own,” several men advised.

    Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.

    Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.

    Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with the divorce regardless.

    A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.

    The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.

    The E-book claimed that many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.

    Luke took this advice to heart and changed his approach towards divorce. 

    Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.

    Hailey let out a huge sigh of relief.

    With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.  

    Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize their assets.

    Luke Second-Guessed Himself

    Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.

    He loved Hailey dearly, and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him up.

    Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.

    A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.

    The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.

    This jumped out to Luke.

    Over the years, Hailey had many times said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”

    Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.

    The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”

    Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the divorce.

    What do you think Luke did?

    You guessed it, he once again changed his approach.

    The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help you with this divorce.”

    Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”

    Luke replied, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put you in situations I don’t want any part of!”

    Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.

    Hailey got up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.

    How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage

    Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering, painful feeling.

    Urgency and desperation are never good reasons to make big decisions, especially in a failing marriage.

    Trust me when I say it’s better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing your mind in search of the right choice.

    Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate whether his choices were correct.

    He also didn’t know how to process grief on his own.

    That pain and loneliness drove him to try a different approach.

    A mature, masculine man must not let his feelings control his choices like this!

    Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey’s choices.

    He needed a map to follow that didn’t change when his feelings changed.

    Females are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.

    If our behaviors are in flux each time a new perspective emerges, we demonstrate that our intentions can be manipulated.

    During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.

    Resist following every new bit of advice you hear and stick to your own code of conduct!

    It’s okay to change your mind when you do it slowly and deliberately.

    But never change your mind just because you feel rushed or triggered.

    How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking In A Failing Marriage

    In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to sort preferences from values so you can hold yourself to a personal code no matter what.

    Many men confuse stubbornness with confidence and wonder why they frustrate their wives when they try to hold their ground.

    I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.

    Let’s talk!

    I can’t spoon-feed confidence to you, but you can show up to our call with a commitment to positive change as your first step to saving your failing marriage.

  • My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!

    My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!

    I tip my hat to you, brother! Saying, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t” bears testimony of your love and care for the relationship. Trying to keep your family and marriage together is a noble act! This article will help you focus on root issues that must be addressed for your marriage to be saved. I’m including a true story about how one of my clients saved his marriage.

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    Do Not Do What You Feel Like Doing

    Notice how paramedics behave when they show up to the scene of an accident.

    They arrive calm, intentional, and focused on their role without adding to the drama.

    Almost all the things you feel like saying, feel like doing, and feel should make your wife want to stay in the marriage will only push her away.

    The reason is simple.

    Right now, you are in a state of fear and desperation.

    You’re insecure about the future of your marriage.

    Have you ever met a desperate salesperson?

    Did you want to buy from them?

    I think you see my point.

    To save your marriage, you’ll need to do things that will feel counterintuitive.

    The proof is in the pudding; just read the true story below.

    Paul Told Me, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!”

    Paul came to me desperate to save his marriage of 10 years.

    Over the last two years, he had tried to be the best husband possible to turn his marriage around.

    Then he learned his wife had been having an emotional affair.

    Ugh.

    Paul was hurt beyond words.

    He’d cut off his right arm if it could save his marriage and keep his family together.  

    About 20 minutes into our conversation, it became obvious what was wrong with his relationship.

    Paul’s wife had become her own man.  

    We can identify when our wife has become her own man when she…

    • Is making most of the decisions
    • Is the only one addressing conflict with friends and family
    • Has been in charge of the romance department for a long time
    • Is being logical, punctual, and direct
    • Acts from her thinking instead of her heart
    • Notices what needs to be done and goes first

    The magic formula for marriage to work is for the man to be masculine and for the woman to be feminine.

    Men can choose to be masculine whenever they want.

    However, a woman isn’t necessarily able to be feminine whenever she wants.

    Like a flower that needs water, soil, and sunlight, a woman’s femininity needs a safe environment to emerge.

    Women who become their own men are made, not born.

    For many years, Paul had been wishy-washy in his choices.

    He avoided conflict and placated to whatever would make his wife happy.

    Pleasing her during intimacy was his source of personal validation.

    Since he didn’t want to come off as an asshole, he would always agree with her and not set boundaries.

    His mantra had been, “Happy wife, happy life”.

    And that set his wife up to feel alone and unprotected.

    Her fun, flirty, soft, and affectionate side needed a knight standing at the door for her to feel safe.

    A knight is NOT:

    • A people pleaser
    • Reactive
    • Conflict avoidant
    • Afraid of her emotions
    • Easily triggered

    Those traits make women feel like they have to fend for their own safety.

    A woman who fends for her own safety will put up her guard and become her own man.

    There is ZERO chemistry once your wife becomes her own man.

    How Paul Saved His Marriage

    Paul and I worked together for almost nine months.

    Over that time, we focused on building his masculine frame so he could have confidence in his relationship.

    He learned how to respond from his own agency and to interact with his wife from a place of empathy and curiosity.

    The biggest test to his confidence came when I told him, “If you love her, you need to let her go.”

    Paul finally stopped resisting the divorce process his wife had been asking for all along.

    He finally accepted that if she couldn’t see a future with him, then she was free to go.

    This was not an easy choice, and it weighed heavily on him for weeks.

    Paul focused on self-care and spent time with quality men he looked up to.

    Then, one day, (when he least expected it) his wife called off the divorce.

    They made love that night and to this day are still together.

    Their marriage is very different now since Paul is leading the relationship with his masculine frame.

    His wife is learning to relax into her feminine energy and let go of things as Paul takes the lead.

    Have You Said, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t”?

    If you’re ready to be guided on a path of building your masculine frame, then reach out.

    The masculine confidence framework I teach men enables the kind of environment women need to relax into their affectionate, vulnerable, soft, and juicy side.

    Our first call is free!

    I was once that guy who called a mentor and said, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t”.

    I’m ready to share all the insights I’ve collected over the years to help your marriage!

    I promise you’ll gain instant clarity about what to do differently in your relationship. 

  • How To Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate In 7 Days

    How To Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate In 7 Days

    You want to make your wife sweet and affectionate, but can you handle some raw truth about her? There are 3 steps to take this week to turbo-boost your relationship. But first, let’s face the raw truth head-on.

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    The Raw Truth About Changing Your Wife

    Fact check…We can’t change other people.

    That’s the raw truth.

    For us men, this is hard to swallow.

    I’m the oldest of 4 brothers.

    As a kid, I was the biggest.

    I could make my brothers do whatever I wanted.

    Our father could make us do whatever he wanted.

    A dominating voice or fear of punishment was all it took.

    I developed a subconscious belief that others should bend to a man’s will.

    I tried for 10 years to change what I didn’t like about my wife.

    Then, in 2018, a mentor showed me a different way.

    You see, I had it backward.

    You can’t make women sweet and affectionate, but you can be the kind of man women are sweet and affectionate with.

    There is what women say they want, and there is what they can’t help but want. 

    I’ll show you how to activate what she can’t help but want.

    If You Can’t Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate, Then What Should You Do?

    If we get back to the primal roots of what it means to be masculine, 99% of marriage issues clear up on their own.

    Attraction is NATURAL and will occur without our intervention if we stay in our masculine frame.

    Here are 3 steps to take this week so your wife can experience your attractive, masculine frame.

    1. Stop applying negativity to things you don’t like
    2. Celebrate your wife
    3. Go do things you love

    Do the above for the next 7 days and notice what changes.

    If you like the changes, keep it up!

    Being negative about what you don’t like about your wife has about a 5% success rate.

    Yet we men tend to use negativity a lot.

    You know who else uses negativity to change what they don’t like?

    Children.

    Like I always say… Women crave men, not boys.

    If someone’s behavior has the power to make us negative, they are our boss.

    Women are attracted to a man who can’t be bothered, not a man who makes her the boss of how he reacts.

    If we take it personally whenever she does something for herself, we are once again acting like a boy, not a man.

    In his article, “No, You Can’t Change A Person” Mark Manson points out how trying to change others is manipulation and a violation of personal boundaries.

    Having good intentions won’t make up for the violation our wife feels when we try to coerce or change her behaviors.

    To Make Your Wife Sweet & Affectionate, She Needs To Be Celebrated

    Your wife’s deepest need is to be seen to her core and praised for who she is.

    When you celebrate your wife’s “wins” or fun times she has with her friends, you are showing that you are happy for her and glad she had fun.

    I used to keep a mental scorecard of how much attention my wife gave me vs others and would make a fuss if she had fun without me.

    Experience has shown me women feel a draw towards those who celebrate them.

    She isn’t out to maliciously hurt you, but it can feel like that if you have a scarcity mindset.

    An abundance mindset knows that other people having love, attention, money, intimacy, or fun won’t reduce what’s available for us to create.

    The Secret To Erotic Intimacy

    When you take the initiative to do things you love for your own sake, you lift a huge burden off your wife’s shoulders.

    At the core of wild, fun, erotic intimacy is the exchange of energy.

    The type of energy doesn’t matter, really.

    Feeling very upset with each other can translate into passionate intercourse.

    Annoyance can turn to a playful tease until you are both so ravenous you’re ripping each other’s clothes off.  

    But if you’ve been using the marriage bed as a place to GET validation…

    If you’ve been looking to your wife to remove your horniness..

    Then your wife will feel drained by the mere thought of having intimacy.

    Get out this week and do something you love.

    Let it fill you down to your toes.

    Swim in it.

    Come home with a spark in your eye and let your wife off the hook for making you happy.

    Such behaviors tend to have a happy ending.

    It’s time to be comfortable in your own skin and let attraction do all the work.

    Be the kind of man who can make your wife sweet and affectionate again by celebrating her.

    I would love to hear about your personal situation and get to know you.

  • What To Do If Your Marriage Is Failing

    What To Do If Your Marriage Is Failing

    When your marriage is failing, it can feel like being stuck on a runaway train heading straight for a concrete wall, and you have no idea how to hit the brakes. This article and video give three steps to maximize your chances of saving your relationship.

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    Men Who Saved Their Marriage Took These 3 Steps

    It’s a lonely season when Google is the only person you can turn to when your marriage is suffering. 

    Many men can relate.

    You’re completely alone, trying to fix problems with your wife that you have no idea how to fix.

    But you don’t have to feel alone.

    I connect men into a brotherhood where they share sage old wisdom unfiltered.

    Here is some of that wisdom…

    When Your Marriage Is Failing, Take These 3 Steps

    Step 1: Don’t do what you feel like doing

    When your relationship is struggling, doing what you feel like doing almost always makes matters worse.

    Do you feel like begging? Don’t.

    Want to get her a dozen roses? Don’t.

    Think it’s time for an ultimatum or a letter declaring your undying love? Don’t. 

    Everything done out of separation just feels needy to her.

    There is a time to boldly and confidently declare your wants, but at this point of marriage collapse, you have way too much fear and anxiety in your blood for your actions not to reek of desperation. 

    Step 2: Come to terms that the marriage cannot be worked on.

    We can only work on one thing, and that is ourselves.

    The “relationship” is what happens when you are around her.

    It’s a natural result of what you are like, mixed with what she is like.

    Take responsibility for your 50% and only work on YOU.

    You need to grow the biggest pair of balls you’ve ever had and let the version of the relationship you’ve been feeding in your head go.

    That means dropping the idea that she’s a total bitch or that she’s your “one and only”.

    When your marriage is failing, it’s easy to assume that if you stop fighting for the relationship, it will end.

    Or maybe you fear she’ll run off with the neighbor or forget all about you.

    These are all fear-based assumptions that are simply not true.

    I see it all the time… men who NEED the relationship to work end up divorced.  

    What we want in life can never be created from a place of fear, demanding, or chasing.

    If your wife smells any of that on you, she’s out.

    It feels controlling and unloving to her.

    Things like love, affection, and a deep relationship cannot be white-knuckled into existence.

    Trying to “work on the relationship” is the same as trying to fly a kite when there is no wind.

    No amount of fixing or tweaking the kite will allow it to soar until there is wind.

    Being a man of momentum who is unshakable in himself, has a specific purpose he’s passionate about, and fearlessly creates the experiences he loves in life is the wind your relationship needs. 

    Step 3: Let her come to you.

    Your wife can’t come to you if you’re not standing somewhere solid for her to join.

    Want her to be happy? Figure out how to be happy yourself.

    Want her to respect you? Show her respect.

    I know your deepest desire is to give your failing marriage the best chance for survival.

    To be chosen, desired, and sought after again, you’ll need to give her choices.

    Instead of chasing her, you need to back off.

    Back off from needing to know “why” and back off from trying to fix it.

    If you’re full of anger, resentment, expectations, and gloom, it’s a low bar for her to join you at.

    Invite her to a juicy, interesting, exciting way of doing life by living it now, even if she doesn’t join.

    The man who keeps checking over his shoulder to see if she’s responding still reeks of desperation.

    Here’s the “ya but” I hear from men: “Ya but Garrett, being apart too much is what got us here. My situation is unique. I think we need to grow closer and spend more time together to rebuild our connection.”

    That sounds logical, but the numbers do not lie.

    I never see my clients save their marriages by spending more time with their wife once she’s said the words “I need space”, “I can’t keep doing this”, or “I want a divorce”.

    What you can do is invite her into awesome things you love doing AFTER giving her at least 3-6 months of space.

    Backing off for a few weeks isn’t enough time when your marriage is failing.

    If you’ve been married for over 25 years, you’ll probably have to give space for 12-24 months.

    This is not a race.

    You didn’t get her overnight; you won’t be getting out of it overnight.

    Progress needs to be slow and steady for her to trust it.

    You want to build desire in her.

    Real, hot desire.

    Let’s be honest.

    The real reason you want to spend more time with her right now is that you’re in a panic when apart.

    She can sense that you are leaning on her to settle your panic.

    This makes you feel like another kid to take care of…that’s not attractive!

    Your Next Step If Your Marriage Is Failing

    When your marriage is failing, it’s not the time to try random tricks and hacks to save it.

    Imagine thousands of men worldwide who have already been in your situation.

    Think how valuable it would be if they all came together to share what has worked and what hasn’t worked in creating a great marriage.

    Over the years, these men would accumulate a wealth of wisdom to share.

    Here’s my secret: the wisdom of these men is what you gain in my private coaching!

    You’re not going to learn principles I made up.

    I’m passing wisdom on to you from the knowledge of countless mentors and men around the world.

    Save yourself years of frustration by reaching out.

  • 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love In Marriage

    5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love In Marriage

    If you want a long-term relationship, you need to understand the crucial stages to lasting love. I usually show men a few slides when they reach out for a consultation. They help you understand the stages every marriage goes through. I put the slides in this article so you can see what I mean! I go even more in-depth in the video below.

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    5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love In Marriage

    Many men want a better marriage, but they feel alone and uncertain about what to do.

    It seems like every conversation and promise to improve only digs them into a deeper hole.

    But talk with other men and you’ll quickly realize we’re all in the same boat, experiencing similar relationship dynamics. 

    I want to give full credit to Dr. Jed Diamond for introducing me to the 5 crucial stages to lasting love. 

    Based on my marriage and the many men I’ve helped, I’ve adjusted these stages to what I’ve seen most guys (and myself) experience. 

    I’ve also added more information about what women specifically experience when they’re questioning if they married the wrong man. 

    The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love

    Here are the 5 seasons I see every marriage go through:

    1. New Relationship Season
    2. Monogamous Season
    3. Bonded Partner Season
    4. Disillusionment Season
    5. Long-Term Love Season

    It’s important to recognize which season you’re in so you can make the right choices. 

    The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love

    Each of these seasons needs something different to add spark and love back into the relationship. 

    For example, giving your partner flowers in the monogamous season will warm her heart.

    But in the disillusionment season, flowers won’t do much for her.  

    This is why you can’t apply random Instagram dating advice to a marriage of 15 years.

    Another example is having a date night.

    Date nights in the monogamous season will make your wife feel close to you, even if all you do is show up to the date.

    By the bonded partner season, you’d better know how to lead an emotional connection with her on that date, or it won’t do much for your marriage.

    Her fears started the day you first met and will continue to evolve. 

    It’s in her nature.

    Fears like, “Where is this going?” and “Am I good enough?”

    Allison Armstrong compares women’s need for reassurance to that of a strainer… everything you pour in drains out. 

    • Did you love her yesterday? 
    • Did you connect with her yesterday?
    • Did you show leadership yesterday?


    In her world, all of that is gone today like water through a strainer. 

    Whatever you created with her TODAY is all she has to ride on.

    How The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love Unfold

    A new relationship season swamps your brain in dopamine.

    That’s the first of the 5 crucial stages to lasting love.

    This stage is easy!

    A simple touch or eye gaze feels electric and sensual. 

    However, women feel a lot more fear daily than men do. 

    When you start getting affectionate with a girl you like, she soon wants to know, “What are we?”. 

    Most guys settle her fear by assuring her he’s no longer pursuing other girls.

    Making her your girlfriend calms her relationship anxiety for a few years at most.

    Eventually, she brings up her next fear: “Are we going to tie the knot?”

    We men tend to keep resolving her fears as they come up. 

    After the proposal, we address where we’ll live, if we’ll have kids, if we’ll have chickens, etc. 

    Once we put a ring on her finger and settle all these fears, most men start coasting through life. 

    We behave as if we can’t lose her. 

    By this point, you’re having lots of sex.

    The release of oxytocin suppresses dopamine in your brain.

    The result?

    You feel like bonded family, not honeymoon lovers. 

    You tend to act more domesticated, abandoning the majority of your hobbies, friendships, and freedoms for her and the family.

    You’re at your lowest point of attractiveness during this stage. 

    Many women have a midlife crisis at this point, since life feels like it isn’t going anywhere. 

    Welcome to the disillusionment stage, where both the husband and wife question if they married the wrong person.

    Maybe that’s why you’re reading this now.

    Disillusionment is the 4th step in the 5 crucial stages to lasting love.

    You’re so close!

    But this is the stage where divorce happens 75% of the time if the man doesn’t understand it.

    Her 5 Stages Of Disillusionment

    Here are the 5 stages I see women go through once they enter the disillusionment stage:

    1. Self-Improvement Stage
    2. Checking Out Stage
    3. I’m Not In Love With You Stage
    4. I Need Space Stage
    5. I’m Done Stage
    Her 5 Stages Of Disillusionment

    If you catch the signs of her disillusionment early, you have a much higher chance of saving the marriage.

    But most of us totally missed the warning signs of the self-improvement stage

    • She started doing more work around the house
    • She tried initiating sex more
    • Maybe she started going to therapy or the gym

    It’s easy to think her self-improvement stage is just her finally getting her stuff figured out!

    What’s really happening is she’s giving the marriage one last shot.

    Her taking the lead in a relationship like this isn’t natural for her.

    As a result, she often experiences burnout.

    Once she burns out, she checks out. 

    The self-improvement stage is easy to miss since we think the marriage is improving by her making an effort 

    If you make no effort for your self-improvement during this time, your wife will enter the “checking out season”.

    You’ll get obligation sex from her in the “checking out season”.

    She’ll complain less, too.

    That’s because women only complain when they care about things.

    Her care is dropping.

    The ship starts to sink fast once she checks out because not long after, she’ll say the words, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you“. 

    If you continue to be the same guy you’ve always been in the relationship, divorce is on the horizon. 

    The path to divorce starts with her entering the “I need space” season. 

    You’ll know she’s in the “I need space season” when:

    • She doesn’t want you in the room when she changes
    • She’s making plans or traveling without you
    • She’s spending most weekends away from the house 
    • She’s sleeping separately or wanting her own place

    Once you’ve heard the words, “I’m done,” there is only a 4% chance the marriage can be turned around without divorce being involved.

    The time from the “self-improvement stage” to the “I’m done” stage is usually about 2 years. 

    I have met men where it took 10 years, but that isn’t the norm. 

    I also know several guys who were very confused by how passionate the sex was after she said, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”.

    What’s happening is she’s trying to find release for the intense emotions boiling in her. 

    This is why we can’t use sex as a gauge for marriage repair. 

    What most of us experience over this time is “the ice queen”.

    Her closed-off, icy moods are like a zombie version of who we knew our wife to be in years past.  

    How You Can Take Charge Of The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love

    Building a life around shared values is the only way you can lead a relationship out of the disillusionment season and into the lasting love season.

    This does NOT mean you have long conversations about values to convince your wife to stay.

    The tone in your voice, how you handle your emotions, staying connected to your wellbeing…That is how she FEELS your values.  

    There is deeper work to do. 

    Many coaches are only helping men go from point A to point B. 

    I do transformational coaching so that you can self-coach, self-source confidence, and be self-assured that you are making the right choice 100% of the time. 

    I compare it to teaching someone how to shop for food vs how to grow their own food…Which guy do you think will confidently survive an apocalypse? 

    If you’re ready to step up and lead the 5 crucial stages to lasting love, reach out.

    I promise you’ll have a better sense of what to do after we talk. 

  • How To Get Your Wife Back With Honesty (3 Myths Busted)

    How To Get Your Wife Back With Honesty (3 Myths Busted)

    I totally understand why you want to get your wife back. You care about her. You love her. And you go to bed feeling gutted she isn’t in your arms anymore. This article debunks 3 online myths about “getting your ex back” with brutal honesty. Keep reading or watch the following video to gain clarity about what works and what’s all smoke and hot air.

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    How To Get Your Wife Back With Honesty (3 Myths Busted)

    Debunking Myths On How To Get Your Wife Back

    Let’s pull out the shotgun and eliminate a few misconceptions running feral on the internet.

    Myth 1: You can save your marriage even if your wife doesn’t want to. 

    I’ve been engaging with thousands of men in troubled relationships worldwide for years, and this is unheard of.

    Yes, you can do self-improvement even if she doesn’t want to.

    Sure, you can invite her to join a new standard of interacting in the relationship.

    What’s self-evident is that until SHE decides she wants the marriage to work, fighting for the marriage fails nearly every time.

    I explain this more in my article, Walkaway Wife, Why You Need To STOP Chasing Her.

    What really works is LETTING GO of the marriage and accepting that if she doesn’t want to be married to you, she is free to go.

    I’m not advocating that you should file for divorce, but I am saying you shouldn’t try to resist it.

    Let go of:

    • Needing her to give you certainty
    • Needing her to give you affection
    • Needing her to love you again
    • Needing her to stay for the kids
    • Needing her to see how much she stands to lose

    By letting go, she no longer feels burdened by your NEEDS.

    Needs stink.

    Needs push her away.

    Be ok and let go.

    Myth 2: Opening up more to your wife will bring you closer together.

    This is the kind of advice you’ll hear from women and wiki pages on how to improve relationships.

    Digging everything out from under the rug so you can identify your attachment styles and childhood traumas can be equally as unproductive.

    In the therapy world, it’s called “low-mood therapy” when you try to focus on everything “wrong” with the relationship.

    Despite many women claiming this would have closed the gulf between her and her husband in years past, only about 5% of women have done enough personal development to handle a man’s raw vulnerability.

    For the rest of us in relationships with the remaining 95% of women, we need to trust that having a support system outside the marriage is what works best.

    If you don’t believe me, click HERE to read an excerpt by researcher/author Brene Brown.

    Let your wife do more talking so SHE feels connected.

    Men open up through affection and intimacy, not by talking about the past.

    Your wife is the opposite.

    She needs to get everything off her chest, or she won’t feel affectionate enough to give you the intimacy you need to feel close and bonded with her.

    What she shares doesn’t need to be fixed, it only needs to be heard.

    If you react, get triggered, or defend, divorce is in your cards, brother.

    Myth 3: “No contact” makes her want you.

    I bring this one up all the time.

    Yes, when dating, “absence makes the heart grow fonder“.

    In a long-term relationship, your absence just feels like relief.

    If you want more info on this, read my article, “How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her“, where I discuss what to do instead of “no contact”.

    In a nutshell, there are things like neediness, begging, and pleading that you can stop dumping on her.

    For guys who can’t shut off their insecurities, I do recommend the no-contact rule for HIS sake (not hers).

    How To Get Your Wife Back With Tried & True Practices

    The masculine confidence framework I teach men isn’t about becoming some badass with a sports car and tattoos. 

    I help you build a clear framework so you’ll never second-guess if you’re responding correctly.

    You’ll gain a purpose for your life that goes beyond your wife and kids.

    You can’t awaken your wife’s passion without this kind of clarity and life mission.

    This is a whole new version of yourself she will need to experience.

    Will it get your wife back?

    She will either be strongly attracted or strongly repelled by it.

    That polarizing force is the only way she can have feelings for you again once they’ve been lost.

    What I guarantee is the right woman will be drawn to it, and sometimes that person is your ex.  

    Are you ready to stop relying on YouTube duct tape to patch your relationship together?

  • Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags It’s Coming

    Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags It’s Coming

    You didn’t marry a walkaway wife: 3 red flags about YOU can push her right out the door, though.

    Even if she’s a Christian…

    Even if you’ve always had good intentions….

    There are 3 red flags in men that women walk away from.

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    Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags It’s Coming

    Red Flag #1: You Fail Her “Jealousy Tests”

    Here’s the thing with a walkaway wife: 3 red flags have arisen from the many men I’ve worked with.

    When a woman leaves a marriage, it’s rarely from a specific argument or forgotten birthday.

    She has been suffering for years, while doing a very good job of hiding it.

    A large part of her desire for you revolves around how secure you are.

    She doesn’t consciously come up with ways to test your jealousy.

    Like I said, this is mostly a hidden thing she feels.

    What happens is her feminine way of making connections everywhere she goes reveals how secure you are.

    Think of all the connections she makes with people as a “jealousy test”.

    Below are some examples of how a man can fail these tests.  

    • Getting controlling or suspicious when she has male friends
    • Stressing out when she gets a text from a guy
    • Anxiously pestering her about why, what, who, or where she was
    • Losing your cool when guys give her attention

    Even if all her male friends want to get into her pants, it’s not a red flag.

    Women are very good at keeping guys in the friend zone.

    Just look at how many husbands are stuck in her friend zone, going for years without sex.

    If you’re wife has to adjust her life because of your insecurities, your relationship is on borrowed time.

    Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you give a rat’s tail who your wife is friendly towards.

    This was my excuse back in the day: “It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I don’t trust other guys!”

    Another excuse I’ve heard is, “She’s disrespecting me with other guys!”

    Both excuses are based on something most women detest: insecurity.

    I have to laugh at myself for trying to justify those excuses while my marriage was sexless. 

    Seriously. 

    I tried 99.6 “hacks” to get my wife to be intimate with no success.. and I was STILL insecure that with someone else, she would give in…

    Trust me, a woman’s affection is impossible to gain when SHE doesn’t want it to be accessed.

    When our wife feels like we can’t handle how she lives her life, she stops sharing it with us.

    Not long after, she stops letting us inside her heart and body.

    Can we really blame her for closing off when every time she lets us see into her world, we have a cow, act disrespected, or mope around?

    Red Flag #2: You Keep A Mental Score Card Of What She Owes You

    This red flag sounds like this: “After all I’ve sacrificed for this family, the least you could do is give me some sex!”

    Keeping a mental scorecard is deeply revealing about our intentions and indicates a long-term chronic behavior of self-abandonment. 

    I was the guy who “sacrificed” my weekends, time with friends, living location, and hobbies for my wife. 

    On a deeper level, I stopped standing by my own beliefs, stopped prioritizing my own needs, and held her approval on a pedestal.

    Everything I did carried a hidden expectation.

    I would never say it, but boy, could she smell it all over me.

    It got so bad, I couldn’t even hang a picture in the living room or spray the weeds on the sidewalk without expecting her to reciprocate love (preferably in the form of sex). 

    Transactional love will send your wife running for the hills. 

    Red Flag #3: You Can’t Appreciate The “Messiness” Of Your Wife.

    Women are born with a unique ability to create, embellish, stretch, and change the status quo.

    She’s like an artist painting her masterpiece.

    An artist’s room is covered in paint, scraps of canvas, and pieces of craft supplies.

    Yet from the contemplative and messy room of an artist, a high-value painting emerges. 

    A very feminine woman won’t stick to a schedule, finish what she starts, maintain a consistent mood, or make up her mind. 

    If we can’t look at our wife’s “messiness” with the same appreciation as a kitten tumbling in a box of yarn, she’ll grow more masculine, ridged, and closed off around us. 

    We didn’t marry a dude, so we need to stop expecting her to be one.

    She was designed to bring new things into this life.

    Just look at birth.

    There’s blood, poop, slime, screaming… It’s pure chaos.

    But from that mess emerges a new life, your child.

    She is built to “birth” many new experiences into your life.

    Because she is feminine, it will always be messy.

    She is literally the embodiment of Mother Nature.

    Rainbows, sunsets, hurricanes, and wildfires.   

    Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags To Resolve Before It’s Too Late

    The 3 red flags you just read about all stem from one common factor: an insecure husband.

    I spent years trying to “trim the wings” of my wife to prevent her from engaging with other men. 

    I managed to get her lifestyle so boxed in, I thought there was no way another man could get with her…Then she had an emotional affair with a woman!

    Like a lightning bolt to my brain, I suddenly realized isolating your partner from other humans because you’re insecure has never worked and never will. 

    I transitioned from being someone who would act extremely distressed if my partner hugged another man to genuinely celebrating with her when she receives attention.

    This new, secure way of living has produced fidelity in my relationship in ways I NEVER experienced before! 

    You can’t white-knuckle what you want into your marriage, you have to attract it. 

    We’re only making the grass greener on the other side of the fence when we’re puking insecurity all over our side.

    The moment we make something forbidden or taboo, it’s instantly more exciting and tempting to flirt with it. 

    To this day, I’m shocked when I see how being secure with my partner’s engagement around others has disempowered their charm over her. 

    The old me never would have believed it, but letting go is how you get some things. 

    Your Next Step To Attract The Marriage You Want

    Through my coaching, we’ll unpack all the things that scare you.

    We’ll face them head-on with NEW perspectives and NEW understanding.

    This rewires your brain.

    You’ll never stop feeling scared or insecure; you’re human.

    But my process builds a new relationship with those feelings so they no longer control your reactions.

    You don’t need to fear a walkaway wife: 3 red flags can be nipped right now.

  • How Two Of My Clients Re-Attracted Their Wife This Week

    How Two Of My Clients Re-Attracted Their Wife This Week

    Two of my clients re-attracted their wife in a way that shocked even them. Two weeks ago, these women were done, checked out, cold, and planning their exit. Today, they’re affectionate, engaged, and back in their husbands’ arms. I’ll share the story of how these runaway wives came running back. 

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    How Two Of My Clients Re-Attracted Their Wife This Week

    If You Love Her, Let Her Go

    There’s a milestone that men I work with usually reach. 

    The husband finally drops his expectations for his wife to make him happy.

    • He would like her to love him, but he’s cool if she’s not up for it. 
    • He wants a sweet and affectionate partner, but he won’t try to change her if she isn’t.
    • He would like her to be married to him, but he’s not going to hold the door shut if she wants out. 

    When a man reaches this stage, his wife tends to second-guess her choice to leave the relationship.

    Before my clients re-attracted their wife, they had to pass her tests.

    She wanted to know if his changes were genuine.

    How did she test him?

    By being moody & critical to see how he responded.

    By bringing up the past, to see if he would accept responsibility instead of being defensive.

    Both of my clients stood strong under her tests!  

    And both had partners who were emotionally cold and adamant about ending the relationship a few weeks ago.

    For months, these guys chased their lover, trying to get her to choose him. 

    Today, they’re being chased by her.  

    Neither of these guys had been trying to save their relationship recently (and that’s the secret).

    When these men first started coaching with me, they were hell-bent on saving their relationship.

    During our first few weeks together, we focused 100% on strengthening their masculine operating principles so they could be strong enough to let their partner go out of love and self-respect.

    Why self-respect?

    Because you deserve someone who loves you in return.

    My clients re-attracted their wife because they got this.

    Over and over, I’ve seen women circle back when the man demonstrates this much self-security and love by setting her FREE. 

    Letting go of a woman includes letting go of all the stuff you’ve been holding against her. 

    These guys also learned to let go of the neediness, fear, desperation, and anxiety that had driven them to hang onto their relationships with a death grip.

    True love does not possess; it sets free.

    That’s a truth you have to reckon with.

    In the story of the fisherman who claims he eats fish because he loves fish, it’s obvious that it doesn’t feel like love from the fish’s perspective.

    Is the love you have for your wife “fish love”?

    Making her stay because you don’t want to feel heartbreak or loss isn’t love.

    My Clients Re-Attracted Their Wife Because Leadership Is Attractive

    Part of having a strong masculine core is being able to LEAD. 

    Leading means going first. 

    Want a happy wife? Be happy first.

    Want a respectful wife? Respect her first. 

    If you want a wife who chooses you, then let her have the option to leave.

    Letting your wife go and then hiding in the bushes waiting for her return doesn’t work. 

    Both my clients were shocked when their partners wanted back into the relationship because they GENUINELY had let her go, moved on, and were actively creating NEW amazing lives without her. 

    The masculine confidence framework provides a blueprint to gain massive self-confidence, a clear value system, and an inspiring mission worth living for.

    Women are attracted to men who are bold leaders who fearlessly create the life they want! 

    As my clients discovered, your ex isn’t the only person who notices how attractive you’ve become when you’re secure enough to let her go. 

    Many times, other women come out of the woodwork when you’re a confident, secure man. 

    You go from having no women who want you to having several. 

    Not everyone has the means to commit to 1:1 coaching like these guys did. 

    That’s why we created the Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course. 

    In the course, Mark Drezga & I teach the framework you need to regain your mojo and masculine leadership without breaking the bank.

    My clients re-attracted their wife, I promise you’ll attract something you didn’t expect when you start living in the new frame the course teaches.

    I’m a “Go big or go home” man.

    If you share the same mindset, we can make something BIG happen together.

    1:1 mentorship is the BIGGEST, most personalized, powerful, and heart-connecting way to learn this stuff.