Staying connected to your own happiness should be your primary focus, not the results of the 5-minute quickie you just gave her.
What To Do If She’s Still Unhappy After
You can’t fix another person’s unhappiness.
You can only show them by example how to have a happy life.
Until you can be okay right where you are, as things are, you’re not in a position to lead the relationship anywhere better.
Feelings can be like clouds.
They block the sun from shining.
So much so, we can start to believe the sun will never shine again.
But this belief doesn’t mean the sun no longer exists.
Your inner well-being is always alive, even when your feelings cloud it over.
A man needs FAITH (even if it’s as small as a grain of mustard seed) that his wellbeing is still alive if he is to move mountains in his life on cloudy days.
If you’re ready to learn how to access that calm, confident center that leads naturally and magnetically, then reach out.
Maybe you’ve been watching videos and trying new things but your marriage isn’t turning around. This post takes the spotlight off the marriage so you can understand who a man must become before his marriage can change for the better.
Most men I work with are brilliant, hard-working guys.
Men who are good at making money, running a business, and competent at problem-solving.
How we act when we’re needy, reactive, and jealous isn’t attractive.
But my clients who succeed in saving their marriages? They’re the ones who find their inner confidence, allowing their presence to feel unshakable.
You can SAY all the right things.
DO all the right things.
But if your presence feels needy or unsure, your wife’s heart will close.
All my clients who saved their marriage know this to be true: You can say and do all the wrong things…But if your presence is solid, clear, and unrattled, your wife will open her heart to you.
You’re attracted to the female form…the curves…the scent… that can’t be helped.
She can’t help but be attracted to the unrattled man.
So stop trying to talk your marriage back together.
Stop trying to do more to convince her of your value.
Relax into knowing you got this and have nothing to prove.
Get on with livin’ and let your presence be undivided and unshook around her.
Your Next Step If Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
If your wife can pull your strings and push your buttons, her attraction and respect will fade.
Confidence isn’t found by learning how to numb yourself.
That’s just being an emotional zombie.
Inner security isn’t about avoiding negative feelings (like anger or rejection).
Mature masculine strength is about breathing through strong feelings without letting them dictate your choices.
When you breathe through negative feelings, there is always clarity, strength, and calm on the other side.
The fear of divorce is one of the fastest ways to destroy your marriage.
I see it all the time.
Men caught in limbo, walking on eggshells, doing everything they can to “fix” the relationship.
They don’t realize it’s their panic that’s pushing her further away.
The Fear of Divorce Makes You Reactive
When a marriage feels like it’s slipping, most men obsess over the worst-case scenarios:
What if I lose my kids?
What if she leaves me for someone else?
What if she already has someone else?
What if everything I built disappears overnight?
When I ran my landscaping company, I trained guys to mow stripes into a lawn, straight as an arrow.
The patterns you see on a baseball diamond!
I’d say, “Don’t look down at the mower wheel. Look straight ahead at a fence post or tree, and focus on that as you drive towards it. Perfect lines happen when you fix your eyes on the goal—not by constantly trying to steer straight in the moment.”
When you stay connected to a powerful, positive vision of your future, you’ll eventually look back and realize you created that life by refusing to live in fear right now.
Fear of Divorce Never Creates Intimacy
You can’t panic your way into a better relationship.
No one begs their way back into a woman’s heart.
Now is a time to remain deeply connected to who you really are.
Ask yourself: “What future do I want to create?How would a grounded, deliberate man behave today if he believed that future was possible?
Most relationships begin with butterflies, but warm tingles alone are not what long-term relationships are made of.
Marriages only last when two mature people align on:
A shared vision
Shared values
A common path forward
She can’t share any of that with you if you don’t know where you’re going or who you are without her.
If you’re waiting for her to choose you before you can be amazing, you’re not leading—you’re looking down at the mower wheel.
The fear of divorce makes you look at her for your sense of direction.
She can’t give you that.
Masculine Leadership comes from remaining connected to who you are even when life throws a curveball.
The Work Starts With You
This is why I coach men to build emotional clarity and masculine leadership from the inside out.
You don’t need her permission to become the man you respect.
You need a clear vision of where you’re going—and the guts to act like it’s already yours.
The feminine cannot fully trust or be attracted to an emotional noodle softer than hers.
Emotional Tussle Is the Foreplay She Needs
Men get turned on by visual and physical beauty.
Women? They’re turned on by having an emotional tussle.
When she can push up against you emotionally and feel that you’re solid, unshakable, present, and leading with clarity it sparks something deep.
It’s a form of seduction.
You are emotionally erect, penetrating through her feelings with calm, powerful direction.
That’s the foreplay her nervous system is dying for.
Not good-boy behaviors.
Not reactive asshole moves.
Just a man who stays in his own emotional lane.
What Secretly Turns Her On: A Man Rooted in His Mission
She lives in the now. Emotionally.
You, as the man, must live from the future you’re building.
What does that mean?
Even if right now she’s cold, distant, or closed off, you don’t let that define you.
You show up as the man who already lives in the amazing future you’re committed to.
Adventure. Passion. Freedom. Stability.
Whatever that vision is… Behave like it’s yours.
Embody it. Speak it. Prophesy it into the relationship by selling the vision.
This is how you create intimacy in an otherwise mundane marriage.
Ready to Become That Man?
This is the work I do with men every day.
Whether you want to save your marriage or attract real connection in your dating life, it starts with you being the grounded, calm, masculine leader she can feel in your tone and vibe.
This is part 3 of a 3-part series called “Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid” (Click HERE to read part 2). I’m about to share my personal experience. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be all the wiser!
Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid If You Want To Turn It Around
Don’t use triggers to determine your behaviors, choices, or actions.
Don’t assume sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart (know how to value your differences instead).
Avoid holding out for her if she’s said, “I’m done”.
I know what it’s like to love a woman who doesn’t want to be with you.
I also know what it’s like to love a woman who used to love you, but no longer does.
In my early days, I used logic to try to attract a girl who clearly didn’t love me.
I believed that if I saved myself for her by not dating anyone else, she would end things with her boyfriend.
In my imagined fairytale, she would become my dream wife by falling in love with my devotion and abstinence from other women.
I demonstrated these traits to her by not dating any other girls for YEARS while she dated other guys and was seemingly not interested in me.
Despite her full knowledge of my interest and my years of remaining available for her, it never made her want me.
Even after my divorce, I waited a few years to date.
This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a guide for recovering a failing marriage. Also, notice how often Luke changes his mind as he’s met with new advice or his wife’s reactions. If you want to stop the downward spiral towards divorce, don’t be a “Luke”.
Luke’s Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness
3 Days ago.
That’s when Luke’s wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, “I want a divorce”.
Luke’s world was turned upside down.
He knew their marriage had issues, but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.
Luke’s emotions were overwhelming.
He couldn’t keep the tears back.
He cried, begged, and pleaded for Hailey to change her mind.
Nothing he said could sway her decision.
Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.
“If she wants divorce, let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own,” several men advised.
Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.
Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.
Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with the divorce regardless.
A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.
The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.
The E-book claimed that many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.
Luke took this advice to heart and changed his approach towards divorce.
Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.
Hailey let out a huge sigh of relief.
With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.
Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize their assets.
Luke Second-Guessed Himself
Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.
He loved Hailey dearly, and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him up.
Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.
A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.
The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.
This jumped out to Luke.
Over the years, Hailey had many times said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”
Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.
The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”
Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the divorce.
What do you think Luke did?
You guessed it, he once again changed his approach.
The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help you with this divorce.”
Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”
Luke replied, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put you in situations I don’t want any part of!”
Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.
Hailey got up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.
How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage
Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering, painful feeling.
Urgency and desperation are never good reasons to make big decisions, especially in a failing marriage.
Trust me when I say it’s better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing your mind in search of the right choice.
Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate whether his choices were correct.
He also didn’t know how to process grief on his own.
That pain and loneliness drove him to try a different approach.
A mature, masculine man must not let his feelings control his choices like this!
Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey’s choices.
He needed a map to follow that didn’t change when his feelings changed.
Females are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.
If our behaviors are in flux each time a new perspective emerges, we demonstrate that our intentions can be manipulated.
During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.
Resist following every new bit of advice you hear and stick to your own code of conduct!
It’s okay to change your mind when you do it slowly and deliberately.
But never change your mind just because you feel rushed or triggered.
How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking In A Failing Marriage
In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to sort preferences from values so you can hold yourself to a personal code no matter what.
Many men confuse stubbornness with confidence and wonder why they frustrate their wives when they try to hold their ground.
I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.
Let’s talk!
I can’t spoon-feed confidence to you, but you can show up to our call with a commitment to positive change as your first step to saving your failing marriage.
I tip my hat to you, brother! Saying, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t” bears testimony of your love and care for the relationship. Trying to keep your family and marriage together is a noble act! This article will help you focus on root issues that must be addressed for your marriage to be saved. I’m including a true story about how one of my clients saved his marriage.
Do Not Do What You Feel Like Doing
Notice how paramedics behave when they show up to the scene of an accident.
They arrive calm, intentional, and focused on their role without adding to the drama.
Almost all the things you feel like saying, feel like doing, and feel should make your wife want to stay in the marriage will only push her away.
The reason is simple.
Right now, you are in a state of fear and desperation.
You’re insecure about the future of your marriage.
Have you ever met a desperate salesperson?
Did you want to buy from them?
I think you see my point.
To save your marriage, you’ll need to do things that will feel counterintuitive.
The proof is in the pudding; just read the true story below.
Paul Told Me, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!”
Paul came to me desperate to save his marriage of 10 years.
Over the last two years, he had tried to be the best husband possible to turn his marriage around.
Then he learned his wife had been having an emotional affair.
Ugh.
Paul was hurt beyond words.
He’d cut off his right arm if it could save his marriage and keep his family together.
About 20 minutes into our conversation, it became obvious what was wrong with his relationship.
Paul’s wife had become her own man.
We can identify when our wife has become her own man when she…
Is making most of the decisions
Is the only one addressing conflict with friends and family
Has been in charge of the romance department for a long time
Is being logical, punctual, and direct
Acts from her thinking instead of her heart
Notices what needs to be done and goes first
The magic formula for marriage to work is for the man to be masculine and for the woman to be feminine.
Men can choose to be masculine whenever they want.
However, a woman isn’t necessarily able to be feminine whenever she wants.
Like a flower that needs water, soil, and sunlight, a woman’s femininity needs a safe environment to emerge.
Women who become their own men are made, not born.
For many years, Paul had been wishy-washy in his choices.
He avoided conflict and placated to whatever would make his wife happy.
Pleasing her during intimacy was his source of personal validation.
Since he didn’t want to come off as an asshole, he would always agree with her and not set boundaries.
His mantra had been, “Happy wife, happy life”.
And that set his wife up to feel alone and unprotected.
Her fun, flirty, soft, and affectionate side needed a knight standing at the door for her to feel safe.
A knight is NOT:
A people pleaser
Reactive
Conflict avoidant
Afraid of her emotions
Easily triggered
Those traits make women feel like they have to fend for their own safety.
A woman who fends for her own safety will put up her guard and become her own man.
There is ZERO chemistry once your wife becomes her own man.
How Paul Saved His Marriage
Paul and I worked together for almost nine months.
Over that time, we focused on building his masculine frame so he could have confidence in his relationship.
He learned how to respond from his own agency and to interact with his wife from a place of empathy and curiosity.
The biggest test to his confidence came when I told him, “If you love her, you need to let her go.”
He finally accepted that if she couldn’t see a future with him, then she was free to go.
This was not an easy choice, and it weighed heavily on him for weeks.
Paul focused on self-care and spent time with quality men he looked up to.
Then, one day, (when he least expected it) his wife called off the divorce.
They made love that night and to this day are still together.
Their marriage is very different now since Paul is leading the relationship with his masculine frame.
His wife is learning to relax into her feminine energy and let go of things as Paul takes the lead.
Have You Said, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t”?
If you’re ready to be guided on a path of building your masculine frame, then reach out.
The masculine confidence framework I teach men enables the kind of environment women need to relax into their affectionate, vulnerable, soft, and juicy side.
Our first call is free!
I was once that guy who called a mentor and said, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t”.
I’m ready to share all the insights I’ve collected over the years to help your marriage!
I promise you’ll gain instant clarity about what to do differently in your relationship.
Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you give a rat’s tail who your wife is friendly towards.
This was my excuse back in the day: “It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I don’t trust other guys!”
Another excuse I’ve heard is, “She’s disrespecting me with other guys!”
Both excuses are based on something most women detest: insecurity.
I have to laugh at myself for trying to justify those excuses while my marriage was sexless.
Seriously.
I tried 99.6 “hacks” to get my wife to be intimate with no success.. and I was STILL insecure that with someone else, she would give in…
Trust me, a woman’s affection is impossible to gain when SHE doesn’t want it to be accessed.
When our wife feels like we can’t handle how she lives her life, she stops sharing it with us.
Not long after, she stops letting us inside her heart and body.
Can we really blame her for closing off when every time she lets us see into her world, we have a cow, act disrespected, or mope around?
Red Flag #2: You Keep A Mental Score Card Of What She Owes You
This red flag sounds like this: “After all I’ve sacrificed for this family, the least you could do is give me some sex!”
Keeping a mental scorecard is deeply revealing about our intentions and indicates a long-term chronic behavior of self-abandonment.
I was the guy who “sacrificed” my weekends, time with friends, living location, and hobbies for my wife.
On a deeper level, I stopped standing by my own beliefs, stopped prioritizing my own needs, and held her approval on a pedestal.
Everything I did carried a hidden expectation.
I would never say it, but boy, could she smell it all over me.
It got so bad, I couldn’t even hang a picture in the living room or spray the weeds on the sidewalk without expecting her to reciprocate love (preferably in the form of sex).
Red Flag #3: You Can’t Appreciate The “Messiness” Of Your Wife.
Women are born with a unique ability to create, embellish, stretch, and change the status quo.
She’s like an artist painting her masterpiece.
An artist’s room is covered in paint, scraps of canvas, and pieces of craft supplies.
Yet from the contemplative and messy room of an artist, a high-value painting emerges.
A very feminine woman won’t stick to a schedule, finish what she starts, maintain a consistent mood, or make up her mind.
If we can’t look at our wife’s “messiness” with the same appreciation as a kitten tumbling in a box of yarn, she’ll grow more masculine, ridged, and closed off around us.
We didn’t marry a dude, so we need to stop expecting her to be one.
She was designed to bring new things into this life.
Just look at birth.
There’s blood, poop, slime, screaming… It’s pure chaos.
But from that mess emerges a new life, your child.
She is built to “birth” many new experiences into your life.
Because she is feminine, it will always be messy.
She is literally the embodiment of Mother Nature.
Rainbows, sunsets, hurricanes, and wildfires.
Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags To Resolve Before It’s Too Late
The 3 red flags you just read about all stem from one common factor: an insecure husband.
I spent years trying to “trim the wings” of my wife to prevent her from engaging with other men.
I managed to get her lifestyle so boxed in, I thought there was no way another man could get with her…Then she had an emotional affair with a woman!
Like a lightning bolt to my brain, I suddenly realized isolating your partner from other humans because you’re insecure has never worked and never will.
I transitioned from being someone who would act extremely distressed if my partner hugged another man to genuinely celebrating with her when she receives attention.
This new, secure way of living has produced fidelity in my relationship in ways I NEVER experienced before!
You can’t white-knuckle what you want into your marriage, you have to attract it.
We’re only making the grass greener on the other side of the fence when we’re puking insecurity all over our side.
The moment we make something forbidden or taboo, it’s instantly more exciting and tempting to flirt with it.
To this day, I’m shocked when I see how being secure with my partner’s engagement around others has disempowered their charm over her.
The old me never would have believed it, but letting go is how you get some things.
Your Next Step To Attract The Marriage You Want
Through my coaching, we’ll unpack all the things that scare you.
We’ll face them head-on with NEW perspectives and NEW understanding.
This rewires your brain.
You’ll never stop feeling scared or insecure; you’re human.
But my process builds a new relationship with those feelings so they no longer control your reactions.
You don’t need to fear a walkaway wife: 3 red flags can be nipped right now.
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