Maybe you’ve been watching videos and trying new things but your marriage isn’t turning around. This post takes the spotlight off the marriage so you can understand who a man must become before his marriage can change for the better.
Most men I work with are brilliant, hard-working guys.
Men who are good at making money, running a business, and competent at problem-solving.
How we act when we’re needy, reactive, and jealous isn’t attractive.
But my clients who succeed in saving their marriages? They’re the ones who find their inner confidence, allowing their presence to feel unshakable.
You can SAY all the right things.
DO all the right things.
But if your presence feels needy or unsure, your wife’s heart will close.
All my clients who saved their marriage know this to be true: You can say and do all the wrong things…But if your presence is solid, clear, and unrattled, your wife will open her heart to you.
You’re attracted to the female form…the curves…the scent… that can’t be helped.
She can’t help but be attracted to the unrattled man.
So stop trying to talk your marriage back together.
Stop trying to do more to convince her of your value.
Relax into knowing you got this and have nothing to prove.
Get on with livin’ and let your presence be undivided and unshook around her.
Your Next Step If Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
If your wife can pull your strings and push your buttons, her attraction and respect will fade.
Confidence isn’t found by learning how to numb yourself.
That’s just being an emotional zombie.
Inner security isn’t about avoiding negative feelings (like anger or rejection).
Mature masculine strength is about breathing through strong feelings without letting them dictate your choices.
When you breathe through negative feelings, there is always clarity, strength, and calm on the other side.
The fear of divorce is one of the fastest ways to destroy your marriage.
I see it all the time.
Men caught in limbo, walking on eggshells, doing everything they can to “fix” the relationship.
They don’t realize it’s their panic that’s pushing her further away.
The Fear of Divorce Makes You Reactive
When a marriage feels like it’s slipping, most men obsess over the worst-case scenarios:
What if I lose my kids?
What if she leaves me for someone else?
What if she already has someone else?
What if everything I built disappears overnight?
When I ran my landscaping company, I trained guys to mow stripes into a lawn, straight as an arrow.
The patterns you see on a baseball diamond!
I’d say, “Don’t look down at the mower wheel. Look straight ahead at a fence post or tree, and focus on that as you drive towards it. Perfect lines happen when you fix your eyes on the goal—not by constantly trying to steer straight in the moment.”
When you stay connected to a powerful, positive vision of your future, you’ll eventually look back and realize you created that life by refusing to live in fear right now.
Fear of Divorce Never Creates Intimacy
You can’t panic your way into a better relationship.
No one begs their way back into a woman’s heart.
Now is a time to remain deeply connected to who you really are.
Ask yourself: “What future do I want to create?How would a grounded, deliberate man behave today if he believed that future was possible?
Most relationships begin with butterflies, but warm tingles alone are not what long-term relationships are made of.
Marriages only last when two mature people align on:
A shared vision
Shared values
A common path forward
She can’t share any of that with you if you don’t know where you’re going or who you are without her.
If you’re waiting for her to choose you before you can be amazing, you’re not leading—you’re looking down at the mower wheel.
The fear of divorce makes you look at her for your sense of direction.
She can’t give you that.
Masculine Leadership comes from remaining connected to who you are even when life throws a curveball.
The Work Starts With You
This is why I coach men to build emotional clarity and masculine leadership from the inside out.
You don’t need her permission to become the man you respect.
You need a clear vision of where you’re going—and the guts to act like it’s already yours.
If your wife asks you to give her space, it didn’t come out of nowhere. By the time she gets to this point, she’s already been emotionally detaching for months, maybe even years. And most men don’t realize it until it’s too late.
Today, we’re going deeper into the three stages of detachment a woman goes through before she ends a relationship.
If you don’t catch it early, you’ll find yourself blindsided when she finally says, “I need space.”
I’m not talking about the kind of “space” where she’s just tired tonight; I’m talking about when she’s considering divorce.
1. Emotional Detachment
This is the first and most subtle stage leading up to your wife needing space
It’s also the easiest to miss.
Emotional detachment begins when she stops feeling seen, heard, or valued in the relationship.
Her emotional needs aren’t being met, and over time, her heart starts to close off.
This doesn’t happen overnight.
She used to share her thoughts, feelings, and worries with you.
But now? She keeps them to herself.
Bringing up the little things no longer happens because she’s already convinced herself you won’t understand.
At this stage, you might notice:
She’s less engaged in conversations.
She stops initiating affection or spending quality time.
She’s quick to get irritated over small things.
She begins focusing more on her friends, work, hobbies, or anything but you.
The thought of losing your wife when she wants space can trigger panic.
If she’s already sleeping in the other room, shutting down, or asking you to leave, then this is for you.
Before you can handle her need for space like a pro, you need to understand the difference between physical space and emotional space.
Stick with me, because by the end of this, you’ll have a game plan that could turn your marriage around for good. I explain more in this 4-minute video:
What It Really Means When She Wants Space
Before a woman asks for physical space, she’s already been drowning in something else: Emotional PRESSURE.
Think about a time when someone pressed on you emotionally.
Maybe it was…
A boss who micromanaged your every move
A client who was impossible to please
A friend who constantly needed reassurance that you weren’t pulling away
A pet that wouldn’t stop whining while you slept
What happens? The more they cling, the more you want to run.
Yet when your wife is overwhelmed and she wants space, what do most men instinctively do?
They push harder.
They try to talk it out, spend more time together, and fix it.
Your wife’s love and affection is empowering, but when her commitment is unclear, it can feel like the rug got pulled out. This article will help you take control when your marriage is slipping away by helping you see that nothing done out of fear can create LONG-TERM closeness in a relationship.
The Airplane Of Uncertainty
Imagine you’re on an airplane.
30 minutes into the flight, the intercom comes on.
“Hello, this is your captain speaking. The weather is stormy today! We don’t know our current location or how much fuel we have. On behalf of AAA Airlines, we would like to thank you for choosing us to reach your final destination.”
Very few passengers would remain relaxed with this sort of announcement.
If a glance out the aircraft window revealed smoke from the left engine, fear could turn into panic.
When our wife’s commitment to the marriage becomes uncertain, we can become paralyzed with fear….And panic!
Fear is a deceptive thing.
Reactions from fear FEEL logical in the moment, but fear-based responses RARELY help a critical situation.
“Plane Crash Averted By Passenger Panic,”…said no newspaper title ever!
Here’s the twist.
You’re not a passenger on the “airplane of uncertainty”; you are the captain.
As captain, you can land the plane even if your wife has pulled the eject button.
Many guys I’ve coached found that after he “landed the plane”, his wife’s parachute dropped her back into his love life.
“Landing the plane” means no longer:
Demanding her love and loyalty
Thinking the “other guy” is a threat to getting what you want
Trying to convince her why you are the better choice
Wallowing in your agony
Chasing her for affection and time
Forcing her to be decisive and know what she wants
“Guy drama” comes from our inner little boy, not the mature man.
Little boys fall on the ground at the grocery store and cry for candy when their mommy won’t give it to them.
Little boys also whine, complain, and let their FEELINGS guide their actions.
Trust me, your wife craves a MAN, not a boy.
What To Do When Her Commitment Is Unclear
In the 25-minute video below, I cover 3 areas that will give you more clarity about how to show up as the MAN when your wife is uncertain of her love for you.
I would love for you to have MORE love, MORE attraction, and MORE intimacy in your life!
The season when those things are low can feel brutal.
But you can be confident, secure, and happy RIGHT NOW.
If you’ve read this far, then YOU are the kind of man who has the fortitude to make positive changes.
Your ability to remain unperturbed in your positive, loving, happy, and fun self when your wife’s commitment is unclear is the only path to evoking her desire to join you in being those things.
How do you gain this kind of rock-solid, attractive mojo?
Trying to make your wife love you again is like trying to control the weather. You can DO all the right things. SAY all the right stuff. In the end, her feelings are what they are. So what is in your control? Even though you can’t control her feelings, you can control whether you are the kind of man women are attracted to.
What Women Need To Feel In Love
A few days ago, Google directed a man to my blog because he had a heartfelt question.
His question was, “Can you make your wife love you again?”
No doubt his story is much like yours or mine.
He remembers when his wife used to respond affectionately to his touch.
She would smile when he entered the room.
Her love motivated him to work hard at his job and remain committed to the relationship.
He hoped this was just a phase, but over the months, it has only gotten worse.
Today, he’s wondering if she will ever love him enough to engage in the intimate, respectful, nurturing relationship he craves to have with her.
You see, even if you DO all the right things in your relationship, if you make your wife feel disconnected, pressured, or criticized, you can kiss intimacy goodbye.
Building Connection, Trust, & Emotional Safety With Your Wife
We men tend to focus on what needs to change about our wives for the relationship to work.
Who she is helps us decide if the relationship is worth our effort or not.
But we don’t realize that a lot of how she is comes as a reaction to what it’s like to be around us.
If we defend, explain, or try to use logic to fix her emotions whenever she shares something with us, it communicates that we are insecure in ourselves.
It also communicates that we can’t see past our own discomfort to connect with her feelings.
This makes us feel boyish and like a powerless victim to her.
It should go without saying that being a victim or acting boyish isn’t the path to building a better connection with your wife.
If we take a closer look at ourselves, we might find even deeper issues.
Issues such as…
Feeling like a failure
Aversion to conflict
A knee-jerk response to people-please
Doing things with hidden expectations
These deeper personal issues are what you need to resolve to have a meaningful emotional connection with your wife.
This connection is critical in a long-term relationship.
Without it, she won’t be able to trust herself to be soft and affectionate around you.
What’s 100% In Your Control Right Now?
There are 3 zones in life…
What’s out of our control
What’s under our influence
What’s in our control
Happiness, confidence, clear boundaries, and mojo only come from staying focused on things 100% in your control.
Your wife’s feelings are under your influence, not under your control.
Whenever I speak to a man who is frustrated, lonely, upset, rejected, or in panic mode, it’s because he’s been focusing on things that are either out of his control or only under his influence.
When I’m coaching a man who doesn’t know what to do next in his relationship (limbo) it’s usually because he hasn’t forged an internal masculine frame that is 100% in his control.
Our masculine frame is our blueprint to follow!
Although this sounds like simple advice, many of us didn’t know HOW to build a masculine frame that is 100% in our control before our marriage called for it.
A Call To Confidence
If you have a blueprint or a compass to follow, you will always know how to respond to things like being rejected for sex, marriage limbo, or the uncertainty of her feelings.
Hint: Her feelings are not your compass.
Last year, a man we’ll call John, joined one of my group courses where I teach my masculine confidence framework.
John was down in the dumps.
He and his wife hadn’t had sex in many months.
His wife was unsure if she could continue in their marriage of 25+ years.
6 weeks into the course, everything changed for John!
He learned how to have his own compass to follow even when his wife was withdrawn or emotional.
He learned how to give her emotional space without walking on eggshells around her.
The result?
Her passion for him returned!
To this day, they are both loving a brand new version of their marriage!
In my coaching, I train you to forge an internal locus of control.
This means you learn how to respond from the inside out instead of the outside in.
Being this kind of non-reactive man who can be comfortable in his own skin is the only version of yourself your wife can fall back in love with.
Would you like help identifying the underlying issues that are keeping your marriage stuck?
This is part 3 of a 3-part series called “Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid” (Click HERE to read part 2). I’m about to share my personal experience. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and be all the wiser!
Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid If You Want To Turn It Around
Don’t use triggers to determine your behaviors, choices, or actions.
Don’t assume sacrifices and loyalty will win a woman’s heart (know how to value your differences instead).
Avoid holding out for her if she’s said, “I’m done”.
I know what it’s like to love a woman who doesn’t want to be with you.
I also know what it’s like to love a woman who used to love you, but no longer does.
In my early days, I used logic to try to attract a girl who clearly didn’t love me.
I believed that if I saved myself for her by not dating anyone else, she would end things with her boyfriend.
In my imagined fairytale, she would become my dream wife by falling in love with my devotion and abstinence from other women.
I demonstrated these traits to her by not dating any other girls for YEARS while she dated other guys and was seemingly not interested in me.
Despite her full knowledge of my interest and my years of remaining available for her, it never made her want me.
Even after my divorce, I waited a few years to date.
I tip my hat to you, brother! Saying, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t” bears testimony of your love and care for the relationship. Trying to keep your family and marriage together is a noble act! This article will help you focus on root issues that must be addressed for your marriage to be saved. I’m including a true story about how one of my clients saved his marriage.
Do Not Do What You Feel Like Doing
Notice how paramedics behave when they show up to the scene of an accident.
They arrive calm, intentional, and focused on their role without adding to the drama.
Almost all the things you feel like saying, feel like doing, and feel should make your wife want to stay in the marriage will only push her away.
The reason is simple.
Right now, you are in a state of fear and desperation.
You’re insecure about the future of your marriage.
Have you ever met a desperate salesperson?
Did you want to buy from them?
I think you see my point.
To save your marriage, you’ll need to do things that will feel counterintuitive.
The proof is in the pudding; just read the true story below.
Paul Told Me, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!”
Paul came to me desperate to save his marriage of 10 years.
Over the last two years, he had tried to be the best husband possible to turn his marriage around.
Then he learned his wife had been having an emotional affair.
Ugh.
Paul was hurt beyond words.
He’d cut off his right arm if it could save his marriage and keep his family together.
About 20 minutes into our conversation, it became obvious what was wrong with his relationship.
Paul’s wife had become her own man.
We can identify when our wife has become her own man when she…
Is making most of the decisions
Is the only one addressing conflict with friends and family
Has been in charge of the romance department for a long time
Is being logical, punctual, and direct
Acts from her thinking instead of her heart
Notices what needs to be done and goes first
The magic formula for marriage to work is for the man to be masculine and for the woman to be feminine.
Men can choose to be masculine whenever they want.
However, a woman isn’t necessarily able to be feminine whenever she wants.
Like a flower that needs water, soil, and sunlight, a woman’s femininity needs a safe environment to emerge.
Women who become their own men are made, not born.
For many years, Paul had been wishy-washy in his choices.
He avoided conflict and placated to whatever would make his wife happy.
Pleasing her during intimacy was his source of personal validation.
Since he didn’t want to come off as an asshole, he would always agree with her and not set boundaries.
His mantra had been, “Happy wife, happy life”.
And that set his wife up to feel alone and unprotected.
Her fun, flirty, soft, and affectionate side needed a knight standing at the door for her to feel safe.
A knight is NOT:
A people pleaser
Reactive
Conflict avoidant
Afraid of her emotions
Easily triggered
Those traits make women feel like they have to fend for their own safety.
A woman who fends for her own safety will put up her guard and become her own man.
There is ZERO chemistry once your wife becomes her own man.
How Paul Saved His Marriage
Paul and I worked together for almost nine months.
Over that time, we focused on building his masculine frame so he could have confidence in his relationship.
He learned how to respond from his own agency and to interact with his wife from a place of empathy and curiosity.
The biggest test to his confidence came when I told him, “If you love her, you need to let her go.”
He finally accepted that if she couldn’t see a future with him, then she was free to go.
This was not an easy choice, and it weighed heavily on him for weeks.
Paul focused on self-care and spent time with quality men he looked up to.
Then, one day, (when he least expected it) his wife called off the divorce.
They made love that night and to this day are still together.
Their marriage is very different now since Paul is leading the relationship with his masculine frame.
His wife is learning to relax into her feminine energy and let go of things as Paul takes the lead.
Have You Said, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t”?
If you’re ready to be guided on a path of building your masculine frame, then reach out.
The masculine confidence framework I teach men enables the kind of environment women need to relax into their affectionate, vulnerable, soft, and juicy side.
Our first call is free!
I was once that guy who called a mentor and said, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t”.
I’m ready to share all the insights I’ve collected over the years to help your marriage!
I promise you’ll gain instant clarity about what to do differently in your relationship.
When your marriage is failing, it can feel like being stuck on a runaway train heading straight for a concrete wall, and you have no idea how to hit the brakes. This article and video give three steps to maximize your chances of saving your relationship.
Men Who Saved Their Marriage Took These 3 Steps
It’s a lonely season when Google is the only person you can turn to when your marriage is suffering.
You’re completely alone, trying to fix problems with your wife that you have no idea how to fix.
But you don’t have to feel alone.
I connect men into a brotherhood where they share sage old wisdom unfiltered.
Here is some of that wisdom…
When Your Marriage Is Failing, Take These 3 Steps
Step 1: Don’t do what you feel like doing
When your relationship is struggling, doing what you feel like doing almost always makes matters worse.
Do you feel like begging? Don’t.
Want to get her a dozen roses? Don’t.
Think it’s time for an ultimatum or a letter declaring your undying love? Don’t.
Everything done out of separation just feels needy to her.
There is a time to boldly and confidently declare your wants, but at this point of marriage collapse, you have way too much fear and anxiety in your blood for your actions not to reek of desperation.
Step 2: Come to terms that the marriage cannot be worked on.
We can only work on one thing, and that is ourselves.
The “relationship” is what happens when you are around her.
It’s a natural result of what you are like, mixed with what she is like.
Take responsibility for your 50% and only work on YOU.
You need to grow the biggest pair of balls you’ve ever had and let the version of the relationship you’ve been feeding in your head go.
That means dropping the idea that she’s a total bitch or that she’s your “one and only”.
When your marriage is failing, it’s easy to assume that if you stop fighting for the relationship, it will end.
Or maybe you fear she’ll run off with the neighbor or forget all about you.
These are all fear-based assumptions that are simply not true.
I see it all the time… men who NEED the relationship to work end up divorced.
What we want in life can never be created from a place of fear, demanding, or chasing.
If your wife smells any of that on you, she’s out.
It feels controlling and unloving to her.
Things like love, affection, and a deep relationship cannot be white-knuckled into existence.
Trying to “work on the relationship” is the same as trying to fly a kite when there is no wind.
No amount of fixing or tweaking the kite will allow it to soar until there is wind.
Being a man of momentum who is unshakable in himself, has a specific purpose he’s passionate about, and fearlessly creates the experiences he loves in life is the wind your relationship needs.
Step 3: Let her come to you.
Your wife can’t come to you if you’re not standing somewhere solid for her to join.
Want her to be happy? Figure out how to be happy yourself.
Want her to respect you? Show her respect.
I know your deepest desire is to give your failing marriage the best chance for survival.
To be chosen, desired, and sought after again, you’ll need to give her choices.
Instead of chasing her, you need to back off.
Back off from needing to know “why” and back off from trying to fix it.
If you’re full of anger, resentment, expectations, and gloom, it’s a low bar for her to join you at.
Invite her to a juicy, interesting, exciting way of doing life by living it now, even if she doesn’t join.
Here’s the “ya but” I hear from men: “Ya but Garrett, being apart too much is what got us here. My situation is unique. I think we need to grow closer and spend more time together to rebuild our connection.”
That sounds logical, but the numbers do not lie.
I never see my clients save their marriages by spending more time with their wife once she’s said the words “I need space”, “I can’t keep doing this”, or “I want a divorce”.
What you can do is invite her into awesome things you love doing AFTER giving her at least 3-6 months of space.
Backing off for a few weeks isn’t enough time when your marriage is failing.
If you’ve been married for over 25 years, you’ll probably have to give space for 12-24 months.
This is not a race.
You didn’t get her overnight; you won’t be getting out of it overnight.
Progress needs to be slow and steady for her to trust it.
The real reason you want to spend more time with her right now is that you’re in a panic when apart.
She can sense that you are leaning on her to settle your panic.
This makes you feel like another kid to take care of…that’s not attractive!
Your Next Step If Your Marriage Is Failing
When your marriage is failing, it’s not the time to try random tricks and hacks to save it.
Imagine thousands of men worldwide who have already been in your situation.
Think how valuable it would be if they all came together to share what has worked and what hasn’t worked in creating a great marriage.
Over the years, these men would accumulate a wealth of wisdom to share.
Here’s my secret: the wisdom of these men is what you gain in my private coaching!
You’re not going to learn principles I made up.
I’m passing wisdom on to you from the knowledge of countless mentors and men around the world.
Save yourself years of frustration by reaching out.
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